Day 14.
I feel like I can't really say "Day 14" of the juice cleanse, because I have started to incorporate some protein, warm veggies and it's not "just juice". But you know what, fuck it - DAY 14 bitches!! (I don't like that word but just pretend it's a term of endearment ok?)
I am still eating really clean, so we will go with that. I have had some eggs, some coconut oil, some hemp oil, lots of yams and sweet potatoes and kale soup! All so very delicious. Considering the time of year and how tempting all the treats and drinks are. I am just going to go ahead and call this a success.
But wait - I'm going to take a moment to say it's been TWO weekends with absolutely NO booze. Like seriously, that's pretty cool. I am not a heavy drinker, but over the past year I have definitely taken a liking to a rum a coke...or 5. Rum and coke's were my dads drink and it was comforting to me in more ways than one. Alcohol also is a socially acceptable weekend (or anytime) staple. For me, it's one of the strongest depressants out there. So eff ya! Go me. Even though I was trying to honour my dad, he was not much of a drinker and he DEFINITELY did not approve/condone of my drinking (as he was the one who drew a strong connection between drinking and how depressed I was in my early 20's). This no-rum is for you dad!
God, I miss him.
I am exhausted today because Oliver had an insane migraine last night (all night). Does anyone else have children who get migraines? I don't experience them. Danny did, and on occasion still does. We haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what it is that causes them. I am wondering if it's chocolate, lack of water, too much sugar, preservatives/dyes in food? I now know I could never have another baby. I know, I know - I would do it if I had to...but last night I had to, I had a 6 year old writhing in pain and I still found it extremely difficult to tend to his needs, in all honesty.
Let's go back to Friday.
Friday I wanted a coffee and baileys. LIKE BIG TIME. I wrote a friend of mine kind of as my "support person" and she ended up asking me a whole slew of questions that created a-real-time awareness of what I was wanting.
It went something like this:
Me: I want one because it's fun?
Friend: But what's fun about it?
Me: I think i am feeling a little...exhausted from the week and like "it's friday!" kind of like something fun should happen on friday. I just don't know what that thing is..
Friend: i know. its Friday evokes splurge thoughts in me too
Me: I guess I don't know how else to treat myself? Friend: Yeah. It's like "its the weekend, lets celebrate by eating food and drinking til i feel sick". sounds like a good time!
Me: ugh totally
Friend: long story short though about the whole coffee/ baileys/ splurging/ celebrating thought though - every time it comes up try to remind yourself its a story your body tells you. you don't NEED those things to celebrate or have a good time. Go hug someone you love and have a great conversation with them. that will bring the warm, happy, celebration feelings that come along with the Christmas season. plus you will feel much better after that, than you would after a coffee or whatever you have
Pretty cool eh? I am finding that have conversations around my urges really creates a new path or pattern. It allows me the chance to choose and to see it for what it really is, and usually I am trying to show myself some love because in some way I feel deprived or warn down. So thankful to have had that conversation!
ALL that being said. It's still a struggle. Even when I made some kale soup I ate it long after I was satisfied, chasing the high of the first few bites. I am still needing to exercise the muscle of listening and stopping when I am full. Sitting down while I eat, and not doing anything else (phone surfing, watching tv or talking on the phone) is definitely an important one.
The body issues get loud at times and I think that they will always be there (because let's be honest - as a girl growing up in the 90's/2000's the message has predominantly been "be pretty, be sexy, be skinny, be cute"). I will tell you that even with all that background noise constantly banging itself against my brain/definition of my self-worth...doing this for the goal of losing weight is not enough. When I feel like eating something shitty or giving up on the whole thing the reason that keeps bringing me back to it is not because I want to lose weight- it's for the FEELING of it. Because I don't feel as depressed. Sure I still feel depressed from time to time but the intensity has dropped a few octaves and I find that I have the motivation to move out of it.
As a total side note but keeping along the lines "the loudness of body image conditioning" - I just want to share something else I noticed on the weekend when I watched cartoons with the kids.
Skooby-Doo - the old school version, neat show right? I don't recall any major love affairs between the "gang" or at least if there was, it didn't seem like mostly pathetic advances from the girls.
Skooby-Doo - new version - Velma acts desperate for the love and attention of Shaggy, and Daphne pines for Fred in the most degrading way I have ever seen in my life (and believe me I have been that desperate girl before!). Whoa. just whoa.
It's just unreal to me, that this shit gets shoved down kids throats! So, let me get this straight, somehow over time they thought they would improve the show by demonstrating to little girls and boys that: girls should bend over backwards to get a guy to notice them, downplaying their intelligence and radiant personalities... and the boys should act aloof and uninterested and that is somehow OK?!!? As if Velma needs to pine for Shaggy's love? She's a GENIUS!! Shaggy probably doesn't even shower.
When it comes to juicing vs blending/smoothies I have to say I like both. I like the thickness of blending, getting all the pulp and fiber and I also like to have some juice. I think the blending gives me a more "full" feeling and it can be more satisfying when I am really hungry. The internet can really cause you to feel overwhelmed and doubt whatever you choose to do. Neither is right or wrong in my humble 14 day experience opinion. I think you just listen to your body and feel good about getting more earth food in ya! Get those vitamins and micronutrients whatever way you can!
I don't know about you, but the difference to me in these two pictures (Day 1 on the left and day 14 on the right) is staggering. My eyes, my chin, my skin, my lips, my neck, and even my nose!
With love and gratitude,
Grace
I feel like I can't really say "Day 14" of the juice cleanse, because I have started to incorporate some protein, warm veggies and it's not "just juice". But you know what, fuck it - DAY 14 bitches!! (I don't like that word but just pretend it's a term of endearment ok?)
I am still eating really clean, so we will go with that. I have had some eggs, some coconut oil, some hemp oil, lots of yams and sweet potatoes and kale soup! All so very delicious. Considering the time of year and how tempting all the treats and drinks are. I am just going to go ahead and call this a success.
But wait - I'm going to take a moment to say it's been TWO weekends with absolutely NO booze. Like seriously, that's pretty cool. I am not a heavy drinker, but over the past year I have definitely taken a liking to a rum a coke...or 5. Rum and coke's were my dads drink and it was comforting to me in more ways than one. Alcohol also is a socially acceptable weekend (or anytime) staple. For me, it's one of the strongest depressants out there. So eff ya! Go me. Even though I was trying to honour my dad, he was not much of a drinker and he DEFINITELY did not approve/condone of my drinking (as he was the one who drew a strong connection between drinking and how depressed I was in my early 20's). This no-rum is for you dad!
God, I miss him.
I am exhausted today because Oliver had an insane migraine last night (all night). Does anyone else have children who get migraines? I don't experience them. Danny did, and on occasion still does. We haven't been able to pinpoint exactly what it is that causes them. I am wondering if it's chocolate, lack of water, too much sugar, preservatives/dyes in food? I now know I could never have another baby. I know, I know - I would do it if I had to...but last night I had to, I had a 6 year old writhing in pain and I still found it extremely difficult to tend to his needs, in all honesty.
Let's go back to Friday.
Friday I wanted a coffee and baileys. LIKE BIG TIME. I wrote a friend of mine kind of as my "support person" and she ended up asking me a whole slew of questions that created a-real-time awareness of what I was wanting.
It went something like this:
Me: I want one because it's fun?
Friend: But what's fun about it?
Me: I think i am feeling a little...exhausted from the week and like "it's friday!" kind of like something fun should happen on friday. I just don't know what that thing is..
Friend: i know. its Friday evokes splurge thoughts in me too
Me: I guess I don't know how else to treat myself? Friend: Yeah. It's like "its the weekend, lets celebrate by eating food and drinking til i feel sick". sounds like a good time!
Me: ugh totally
Friend: long story short though about the whole coffee/ baileys/ splurging/ celebrating thought though - every time it comes up try to remind yourself its a story your body tells you. you don't NEED those things to celebrate or have a good time. Go hug someone you love and have a great conversation with them. that will bring the warm, happy, celebration feelings that come along with the Christmas season. plus you will feel much better after that, than you would after a coffee or whatever you have
Pretty cool eh? I am finding that have conversations around my urges really creates a new path or pattern. It allows me the chance to choose and to see it for what it really is, and usually I am trying to show myself some love because in some way I feel deprived or warn down. So thankful to have had that conversation!
ALL that being said. It's still a struggle. Even when I made some kale soup I ate it long after I was satisfied, chasing the high of the first few bites. I am still needing to exercise the muscle of listening and stopping when I am full. Sitting down while I eat, and not doing anything else (phone surfing, watching tv or talking on the phone) is definitely an important one.
The body issues get loud at times and I think that they will always be there (because let's be honest - as a girl growing up in the 90's/2000's the message has predominantly been "be pretty, be sexy, be skinny, be cute"). I will tell you that even with all that background noise constantly banging itself against my brain/definition of my self-worth...doing this for the goal of losing weight is not enough. When I feel like eating something shitty or giving up on the whole thing the reason that keeps bringing me back to it is not because I want to lose weight- it's for the FEELING of it. Because I don't feel as depressed. Sure I still feel depressed from time to time but the intensity has dropped a few octaves and I find that I have the motivation to move out of it.
As a total side note but keeping along the lines "the loudness of body image conditioning" - I just want to share something else I noticed on the weekend when I watched cartoons with the kids.
Skooby-Doo - the old school version, neat show right? I don't recall any major love affairs between the "gang" or at least if there was, it didn't seem like mostly pathetic advances from the girls.
Skooby-Doo - new version - Velma acts desperate for the love and attention of Shaggy, and Daphne pines for Fred in the most degrading way I have ever seen in my life (and believe me I have been that desperate girl before!). Whoa. just whoa.
It's just unreal to me, that this shit gets shoved down kids throats! So, let me get this straight, somehow over time they thought they would improve the show by demonstrating to little girls and boys that: girls should bend over backwards to get a guy to notice them, downplaying their intelligence and radiant personalities... and the boys should act aloof and uninterested and that is somehow OK?!!? As if Velma needs to pine for Shaggy's love? She's a GENIUS!! Shaggy probably doesn't even shower.
When it comes to juicing vs blending/smoothies I have to say I like both. I like the thickness of blending, getting all the pulp and fiber and I also like to have some juice. I think the blending gives me a more "full" feeling and it can be more satisfying when I am really hungry. The internet can really cause you to feel overwhelmed and doubt whatever you choose to do. Neither is right or wrong in my humble 14 day experience opinion. I think you just listen to your body and feel good about getting more earth food in ya! Get those vitamins and micronutrients whatever way you can!
With love and gratitude,
Grace
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