This mother's day feels really emotional. I can feel it swelling inside. And so I sit and write this in my own way of reflecting. I think it's emotional for me, because as I round the corner to my kids' 8th birthday... some of the guilt about "the kind of mother I am" has come to a head and is starting to rupture. Coincidentally (or not) I had surgery last week to deal with a ruptured cysts in my breast - bringing a lot of emotion to the surface. So much of my self-worth and role as a mother wrapped up in my bosom. This "rupture" comes with an immense amount of healing, but... Not without some conflict and turmoil of course. Oh it's confronted me hard. And I it. The first few years of being a mother were such an intense struggle for me. I had no idea what the hell I was doing. Trying to navigate having twins, watch, read, research, pay attention and be present seemed like a never ending battle. I was always second guessing myself.