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Why the frig am I cleansing?

Day 1 Juice cleanse.
I woke up with a huge amount of anxiety this morning. I don't mean I woke up and thought some things and then had anxiety, I mean I woke up to anxiety starting me in the face. This happens almost everyday, and I'm sick of it.
I am hoping that I can eliminate the morning anxiety, along with the brain fog, general depression and apathy, fatigue (like so tired I find it a bother to turn the steering wheel sometimes) oh yeah and then there's the weight gain.
I've put on 20 lbs since March of last year. It might be because I lost my dad, it might be because I generally move through these cycles from 175 lbs down to 145 lbs, repeat. Keep in mind that I am 5'3 and that this is MY body experience - so maybe this isn't much to some, or lots of others but either way I can tell that my body isn't functioning like it could be and I feel that it's my responsibility as it's "owner" to rectify that.
So here we go.

Now, I don't have a "juicer" I have a nutri-bullet that I bought last year and use on occasion when I don't feel too nauseous in the morning to make a smoothie - which is rare. I am not going to do that thing where I go buy all the fancy shit and then make it two days in and give up. I am going to use what I have and make do - then once I have made a commitment and will look into a fancy juicer.
I realize that too much fruit might not be the best angle but at this stage in the game I feel it's MUCH better than pie and twizzlers and I just want to make it tasty enough to make it through the first 3 days. Perhaps I will do more fruit in the morning and wean off after I made it through the thickness of habit building/changing process.

Some things I have noticed so far today (It's only 9am):
I was really excited today to start this, and open the fridge to my perfectly packed chopped up packages! I know this is going to wear off but I'm going to milk it. I have that new commitment zealousness and I need to stay focused on all the reasons I am doing this. I am hoping this blog will help with that, if even only I read it and no one else.
I was sad when I got to work because I am not able to have any coffee. Yeah...coffee. I never drank coffee, I was a tea drinker for the most part but now I am a coffee drinker. So right at this very moment I am pining for a coffee. Damn it.
I have caught myself already dreaming of what will be for lunch, and using it as a benchmark for the day. Like "ooooh! just make it to lunch when you get to have that yummy.....JUICE?!?!".

My reasons for cleansing:
- My gut is in bad shape. I will spare you the details but food goes in very nicely and doesn't not come out in the same fashion. Ouch.
- I look tired as hell. I look in the mirror the other day and thought "when did I turn 45?". Don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with looking 45, but I am 31, so something isn't right.
- I am actually tired as hell. People keep saying "you look really tired" and they are right. I am exhausted. Sure I lead a full life but I sleep about 9 hours a night. To me, that's too much and I don't feel rested in the morning. When I wake up, I am usually thinking about when I will get to go back to bed!
- I would like to want to get out of bed in the morning.
- I would like to prevent illness. This has a lot to do with what my dad went through, not just in the final part of his life. There is a history of cancer in my family and I need to do something about it now, not after the fact.
- Back fat just sucks. It makes wearing bras really uncomfortable. Other fat sucks too, but back fat really gets my goat.
- My skin doesn't look as radiant as it does when I eat well. True story - radiant.
- I want to have lots of energy to do stuff with my kids! We went for a walk on the weekend and to get the kids to walk back Danny tricked them into a game of tag while we walked. I was huffing and puffing more than I should have been based on my life long athleticism. It just felt terrible.
- Quality of life. I don't know if I want to live a "long" life per say - I have surrendered to just living for today, BUT I do want to live a quality life, without pain and suffering that is self-induced. (This is one thing I would have changed about the documentary I watched. He kept asking how long people wanted to live, most of whom gave really low ages, instead of how they wanted their day to day to be. To me this is the golden ticket. If I have to be here, living this life, I damn well want to make the best of it and when I can't get out of my own way because I am so tired and depressed...well that just makes me wanna say "fuck it").
- I want to live on PURPOSE by making choices that allow me the room to do what I feel inspired to do. Right now getting out of bed is a struggle so you can imagine how inspired I am feeling. #notvery.

So I will keep coming back to these, and add more to the list as they come. Feel free to comment and add some of yours too!
I highly recommend watching "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead" it's a fabulous documentary and the second half is quite moving and exceptionally motivating.
Some other recommendations are:
Hungry for Change
Food Matters
Fed Up

There are lots of great blogs and books too!
 So please feel free to share your experience or your comments with me anytime. I love the power of community! If there is anyone else out there that is also juicing, let's connect!

Day 1 face:

With Love & Gratitude
Grace

Comments

  1. Lovveessssss you! I have spent the last few months doing almost nothing but sleeping.....and eating......bacon haha. Not always bacon, but a lot of bacon! I wake up, read a chapter, go back to sleep. I HAVE that fancy juicer, and kept saying, I am going to juice this week, and didn't.....food rotting away in the fridge. I don't know why! You get stuck sometimes, but if there is anyone that has drive - its you Grace <3 Let this post be enough to inspire me at the very least to clean out the fridge xo Tessa

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  2. All the best Grace, and great reasons

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