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End of Day 1

End of Day 1 (or almost)
*I'm not going to spend a lot of time editing this  - I'm going to keep it all as raw as I can so you can share in what's happening throughout this with me.

I am FREEZING.
I was cold all day, cold to the bone. I find that this happens anytime I try to cleanse.

No headache though, so that's good news.
I made it through without any caffeine! Wouldya look at that!
I had some herbal detox tea, and some really nice roiboos this evening.
Luckily Danny went out to eat so I didn't have to smell cooking, so that helped a lot. I opened the fridge to grab my bag to juice and saw all kinds of meat and cheese and started to salivate.

Some stuff that comes up for me would be mostly emotional and boredom. My mind has a hard time staying still and I search for something to put in my mouth. I find that I really have to watch these thoughts.
I definitely considered a piece of seaweed in all it's salty goodness. I watched the thoughts "seaweed isn't bad for you! I am sure it's totally allowed". But the truth is, even if it was allowed or it wasn't so bad it would be a slippery slope for me. I would then bargain with myself over and over again finding an exception for everything "but chocolate is made from a plant! It's fiiiiiiine". No.

I was tired in the afternoon and achy. I was emotional for sure, feeling heat rise in my chest over things I didn't need to over analyze or contemplate. I argued with a few people in my head and rehashed old shit. I do this normally but today I found that I was more aware of it's affects on my body. Because I was sore and cold, the tension of my thoughts seemed to resonate more clearly in my body - or at least that was the connection I made in the moment.

On a positive note, in order to keep myself busy I followed my kids around and held them a lot because they were so warm. I consider this a bonus.
I felt less reactive toward Danny - which on a very personal note - who I have been very over-reactive towards as of late.

When I can't reach for food I have to ride the wave of my emotions, thoughts and experiences. I can't reach for food and dull the intensity of who I am being, in any given moment. I feel a little stoned, in a philosophical kind of way. My body feels pretty calm this evening and the thoughts see to be following suit (this is certainly interesting to me).
I conclude that when my body is under stress (from shitty food) it affects my quality of thoughts because they are directly related, and when my thoughts are affected the tension in my body increases and round and round it goes. Does that make sense?

I feel slow and I like it.
I feel cold but I feel calm.
I feel a little worried about my ability to keep up with this but I am going to just take it one day at a time, and one thought at a time, and one craving at a time. Putting any energy towards worrying seems like a complete waste right now so I am just going to acknowledge that and watch it float on by.

Although I did not prep for this food wise (I prepped the food, I didn't do a pre-cleanse) - I feel like I did prep for this emotionally by identifying what I wanted to feel like and what I did NOT want to feel like.

I also peed a lot today.

With love and gratitude,
Grace

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