The adventures of naked face Grace!!

I'm getting use to not wearing makeup on a day to day basis now but to go to a special event where I didn't know many people - of all women - was a total new leap outside my comfort zone.
I was really nervous.
To add insult to what I felt was injury, my armpits were sweating so much I'm pretty sure my shirt was soaked. I then had to realize that sweat is natural and normal and that this too was "no big deal".
Wow did I feel naked, exposed and vulnerable.
I had to dig sooooo deep for confidence. I was really surprised by my feelings of inferiority. No one was making me feel this way, no one was treating me like I was treating myself. I had built up these standards and it was time to tear them down.
At first I wanted to tell people that I was not wearing makeup on purpose. In the very least I wanted to make up excuses for myself like "Gosh! I am just so tired!" But I wasn't tired at all so why would I tell a story that wasn't true?
I pulled out my best smile because I know that it's the best makeup a girl can wear right? Or at least I kept repeating that in my head. Then finally, honestly, I really did feel like my smile - which was a display of my happiness - was beautiful in it's own way.
I keep trying to remember that I love my face. I really do - even though one eye is totally different from the other. I refer to them as "sexy eye" and "lazy eye".
I tried hard to come to terms with the thoughts I was having surrounding this naked face I was sporting.
I guess I thought that people would see me as unkempt, not well put together, lazy, or uncaring. I didn't want anyone to see me as any of those things, I wanted them to see me for me. Then I realized- what better way to let people see the real me, than to show off my real face!

I know we are all a product of what we are surrounded with. I so badly want to be conscious of what and why I am doing the things I am doing. I also know that maybe you think I can go without makeup but you can't because you have this thing or that thing wrong with your face. Or maybe you think I am crazy for going without makeup because I look like a warlock, I don't know. Anyway, we all have those things we hate - but who said they were worth hating? The constant barrage of commercials/magazine adds etc that talk about "imperfections"? As women we see a million images a day that show us what a perfect face looks like, or should like - but rarely do we see that it's been photoshopped, nipped/tucked, airbrushed and painted over.

My daughter asked me a few weeks ago why I was putting makeup on and when I tried to answer her honestly I really didn't have a good enough answer. I found myself stammering something about how I wanted to, but I didn't have to and that she didn't have to either? How can I tell her one thing and do another? Actions speak louder than words and if I couldn't love my face enough to wear it out how could I tell her she could do that too?
What is the belief in makeup? Just humour me for a second here. Please don't get defensive. I know that a lot of people "like" wearing makeup, I was (and still am) one of those people, but I just can't help but wonder what drives that "like"? What do I think it gives me?
I try to really be present when I am putting makeup on. I can hear that voice inside reminding me that later on in the day the mascara is going to start to burn my eyeballs and I will totally regret having put it on. I can hear also hear the self judgements when I pause, and allow a delay in putting my makeup on.

"Your face isn't good enough"...that's what it comes down to. That's what I believe.

I don't believe that my face sans makeup is pretty enough. I am building up my self worth with a mask. I want people to see my heart on my face, not my sleeve. I want to show everyone how lovely I am - so I add some colour here and there and some length to those lashes. It's like I'm attempting to do the opposite of lying. Paint my real self on my face. I'm just trying to bring my face up to speed with who I feel like I am on the inside. But that's so backwards! Who I am can only really be seen through getting to know me, through sharing and spending time.

My face can only really show people what's inside if I allow it. If I let my heart shine through my eyes and my smile. If I let the natural glow return by nourishing what's deep down in the depths of my being.

I know this is getting a little heavy, but I am going there. I am questioning all my actions these days and this just happens to be at the forefront of my personal evolution.
I love my face. I really do. I love my freckles and moles. I love my one wonky eye. I love my front tooth that overlaps the other slightly. I recognize that when I have pimples it's because I fed my body something crappy (affecting hormones), got stressed or rubbed my face with dirty hands too much. I accept my face and I hope you will too. I hope you will not only accept my naked face but your own as well.
I am practicing saying loving things to my face and sometimes I can't even look into my own eyes as I say them. I am so use to picking out and finding bad things about it, and I know that didn't come from me, but from a lot of marketing. So I'm going to counter it with some self-love-marketing!
Loving our faces as they are doesn't sell so no one wants us to know how beautiful we are.
If you wear your naked face, it might inspire someone else to wear theirs too!

Love your face, it's free and it soothes the soul!
Much love and gratitude.
xo