(First off, let me just say that I am totally guilty of this. I've done it, I am sure I still do it and I'm building an awareness around it.)
Being happy for other people's successes - big and small.
Better yet - Being happy for my own successes
Yep, that's what's up.
I've come to realize as I make small but significant changes in my life and as I get happier, and feel good about myself I want to share this with others. So, I was seriously confused when I would get what felt like a ghost slap in the face.
Ghost slap: throws you back but you have no idea where it came from or who did it or WHY.
Sometimes, for whatever reason (that people might not even realize), they don't feel happy for you. They don't like this "new" you. They are used to and attached to the old you, the one who complained a lot and blamed most things on external factors. They knew how they fit in with this old you. Now you've gone and done it - you've changed things and who knows where who fits in where anymore. It's like human Janga.
What I have noticed in the past (and still to this day) is that when I see someone else doing something, there's ALWAYS some part of me that recognizes it because I can identify with it. That's right, the old one finger pointing out three point back trick. It totally sucks but alas, this is the price to pay when we start paying attention. So let's say someone is blaming me for something that's not really my fault. I see it because I've done it, the part of me who has done that locks eyes with a common beast. I see you.
It's a mirror.
I've TOTALLY done it. Here's what happens:
When I get uncomfortable or unable to process someone changing near or around me -
I notice I am having some discomfort, usually negative judgement.
Then the sneakier one happens without me really realizing it, I notice that I start to judge myself - I compare and wonder 'why the hell I can't do those awesome things that they are doing'? I don't believe I can do it, so I either put them down or myself down - or both!
Then I start to think they are high on themselves and that's just not ok (apparently).
Then I realize I am judging them, for judging me - or at least I think they are judging me. I'm not really sure anymore. I'm tired.
Side note:
What I noticed when I did the Align and Thrive course with Dana Skogland - http://www.danaskoglund.com/yoga/ Ayurveda Habits course (you can do it from afar) - was that in the book there was this exercise where we had to write:
"I am the kind of person who..." and I started writing not only qualities, but people's names.
I saw that when I am jealous of these people I am holding myself back from attaining that which I really actually want for myself! Re-read that line, it's a mouthful but it's powerful.
I am the kind of person who eats to nourish my body.
I am the kind of person who gets a good nights rest.
I am the kind of person who says no, when I don't want to do something.
I am the kind of person who forgives.
You get the idea...
Try it out!
As I have mentioned I've made some small but impact-ful changes in my life. With these changes comes mental clarity aka "blinders being removed". I feel a lot less paralyzed, victimized and outwardly blamey.
So I started to notice that when I said things from a higher level of self-awareness, people seemed to subtly (or not so subtly) push back. In some cases they just backed up, with an air of tension and lack of response.
It was bothering me so much! I was getting so mad and fired up inside.
Then I sat with it and I asked some questions to myself...
Why is this bother you Grace?
What are you looking for?
Do you want a cookie for being your best/better self?
Who is it all for????
Most of those don't even need much thought - I watched the response arise.
It looked like this
Deep down I want to be liked a whole lot. I want people to say "yeah you are alright Edison! We stand with you!" or maybe even say "Wow look at all this hard work you've done on moving through your shitty shit! You used to be shitty and now you are not!"
But the truth is...did I used to be shitty?
Or did I just think I was shitty and now I don't think I'm as shitty?
For the record I did think I was shitty for a long time. So much self-critique and judgement. So much name calling inside my mind-space. Then I started to make change and there was suddenly a lot of room for way more awesome stuff, like happiness.
No one needs to notice this or praise it - but ME.
I can't sit around waiting for everyone (or anyone) to give all the shits I want given.
It's gotta come from me, to me.
Dear Grace,
You've been really nailing it on listening to your body. This has made a big difference for you all around. Who you are as a person has changed a lot over the years. Some people won't notice, or care. That's ok. It's not for them. But look around girl! See all those people who love you a whole awful lot? They care and they are rooting for you. They are there to hear your triumphs no matter how small. They don't feel threatened or jealous either! They feel happy for you, and they are encouraging on your path. They also benefit because they see that someone like you (like anyone else really) who has suffered a great deal of depression and self-hate can get their shit together and rise above. So good for you. I'm really proud of you. You know what - your Dad would be proud too. He probably is proud right now, so soak that up. See the support and forget the lack thereof.
Most of all - just fill yourself up with all kinds of love and appreciation. That's the true ticket right there. The middle or the gluten free, dairy free, sugar free but still delicious oreo (Please note: this is make-believe time with the oreo).
And - maybe they are happy for you, they just show it differently than you would and you can't see it, yet.
When you notice you are in control and you have the power to choose otherwise. Things come up, get their moment(s) and then they get to move on. I imagine them like little spirits from the past, floating around and then being sucked off by the universal vacuum cleaner that's helping me clean up my life.
This little note can be copy and pasted - just enter your own name in.
Look at it daily.
Go on with your bad self.
I mean good self.
You are good!
You are enough.
I love you.
With love and gratitude,
Grace Karyn
Being happy for other people's successes - big and small.
Better yet - Being happy for my own successes
Yep, that's what's up.
I've come to realize as I make small but significant changes in my life and as I get happier, and feel good about myself I want to share this with others. So, I was seriously confused when I would get what felt like a ghost slap in the face.
Ghost slap: throws you back but you have no idea where it came from or who did it or WHY.
Sometimes, for whatever reason (that people might not even realize), they don't feel happy for you. They don't like this "new" you. They are used to and attached to the old you, the one who complained a lot and blamed most things on external factors. They knew how they fit in with this old you. Now you've gone and done it - you've changed things and who knows where who fits in where anymore. It's like human Janga.
What I have noticed in the past (and still to this day) is that when I see someone else doing something, there's ALWAYS some part of me that recognizes it because I can identify with it. That's right, the old one finger pointing out three point back trick. It totally sucks but alas, this is the price to pay when we start paying attention. So let's say someone is blaming me for something that's not really my fault. I see it because I've done it, the part of me who has done that locks eyes with a common beast. I see you.
It's a mirror.
I've TOTALLY done it. Here's what happens:
When I get uncomfortable or unable to process someone changing near or around me -
I notice I am having some discomfort, usually negative judgement.
Then the sneakier one happens without me really realizing it, I notice that I start to judge myself - I compare and wonder 'why the hell I can't do those awesome things that they are doing'? I don't believe I can do it, so I either put them down or myself down - or both!
Then I start to think they are high on themselves and that's just not ok (apparently).
Then I realize I am judging them, for judging me - or at least I think they are judging me. I'm not really sure anymore. I'm tired.
Side note:
What I noticed when I did the Align and Thrive course with Dana Skogland - http://www.danaskoglund.com/yoga/ Ayurveda Habits course (you can do it from afar) - was that in the book there was this exercise where we had to write:
"I am the kind of person who..." and I started writing not only qualities, but people's names.
I saw that when I am jealous of these people I am holding myself back from attaining that which I really actually want for myself! Re-read that line, it's a mouthful but it's powerful.
I am the kind of person who eats to nourish my body.
I am the kind of person who gets a good nights rest.
I am the kind of person who says no, when I don't want to do something.
I am the kind of person who forgives.
You get the idea...
Try it out!
As I have mentioned I've made some small but impact-ful changes in my life. With these changes comes mental clarity aka "blinders being removed". I feel a lot less paralyzed, victimized and outwardly blamey.
So I started to notice that when I said things from a higher level of self-awareness, people seemed to subtly (or not so subtly) push back. In some cases they just backed up, with an air of tension and lack of response.
It was bothering me so much! I was getting so mad and fired up inside.
Then I sat with it and I asked some questions to myself...
Why is this bother you Grace?
What are you looking for?
Do you want a cookie for being your best/better self?
Who is it all for????
Most of those don't even need much thought - I watched the response arise.
It looked like this
Deep down I want to be liked a whole lot. I want people to say "yeah you are alright Edison! We stand with you!" or maybe even say "Wow look at all this hard work you've done on moving through your shitty shit! You used to be shitty and now you are not!"
But the truth is...did I used to be shitty?
Or did I just think I was shitty and now I don't think I'm as shitty?
For the record I did think I was shitty for a long time. So much self-critique and judgement. So much name calling inside my mind-space. Then I started to make change and there was suddenly a lot of room for way more awesome stuff, like happiness.
No one needs to notice this or praise it - but ME.
I can't sit around waiting for everyone (or anyone) to give all the shits I want given.
It's gotta come from me, to me.
Dear Grace,
You've been really nailing it on listening to your body. This has made a big difference for you all around. Who you are as a person has changed a lot over the years. Some people won't notice, or care. That's ok. It's not for them. But look around girl! See all those people who love you a whole awful lot? They care and they are rooting for you. They are there to hear your triumphs no matter how small. They don't feel threatened or jealous either! They feel happy for you, and they are encouraging on your path. They also benefit because they see that someone like you (like anyone else really) who has suffered a great deal of depression and self-hate can get their shit together and rise above. So good for you. I'm really proud of you. You know what - your Dad would be proud too. He probably is proud right now, so soak that up. See the support and forget the lack thereof.
Most of all - just fill yourself up with all kinds of love and appreciation. That's the true ticket right there. The middle or the gluten free, dairy free, sugar free but still delicious oreo (Please note: this is make-believe time with the oreo).
And - maybe they are happy for you, they just show it differently than you would and you can't see it, yet.
When you notice you are in control and you have the power to choose otherwise. Things come up, get their moment(s) and then they get to move on. I imagine them like little spirits from the past, floating around and then being sucked off by the universal vacuum cleaner that's helping me clean up my life.
This little note can be copy and pasted - just enter your own name in.
Look at it daily.
Go on with your bad self.
I mean good self.
You are good!
You are enough.
I love you.
With love and gratitude,
Grace Karyn
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