What's meditation got to do with it?

What’s meditation got to do with body image issues? Well hang on, I will tell you...

There’s been a lot of buzz about meditation. Kinda seems like everyone and their cat is doing it (I don't think dogs meditate). I fought the idea of even trying it out - long and hard. I sort of just classified myself as someone who had such a busy mind that I wasn’t going to be able to do it. I outcasted myself from the meditation club. My mind never shuts up, no seriously – never.  It’s so hard to get the damn thing to stop, when I describe to people that it's like a hamster running on a wheel I start analyzing what kind of hamster it would be, and how fast she would be running, and where the hell she would be trying to get to, or if she is aware that she is simply on a wheel going nowhere? ...Case in point. 

I had so many questions that I (thought) needed answers to before I started. 

1. WHAT: I needed to know exactly what it was...so I could judge myself on how good I was at it or not.

2. HOW it works - so I didn't have to guess, I don't like to guess.

3. WHY the hell I should do it - because knowing the end result is always possible and accurate right? Err...

4. WHO was guaranteeing this was even going to work for me? I wanted someone to come back to with my complaints and or suggestions on how to do it better...

There really is no right or wrong answer to any of those questions because...there is no real answer to any of those questions. As far as we know meditation is older than time itself and the latin derivative of the word means "to think, contemplate, devise or ponder".  Ok well I can do all of these things, in fact I have a phD in contemplating but I still thought I was going to do it wrong because it just seemed too simple. I was suspicious. A friend of mine once said  that he didn’t think meditation was beneficial because the mind is busy because that’s its nature, that it needs to be that busy. I agreed with him then, but I have to completely disagreed with this notion now. 

We have many thoughts and things to figure out but the mind easily can become a getaway train – out of control and as Michael Singer (author of the Untethered Soul ) describes it  “a maniac roommate”. We have constructed so many walls around our lives that things need to fit into  - what our bodies look like, our hair, our faces, our jobs, our partners, our friends - and when they don’t, it causes us to become upset or severely unhappy and uncomfortable. When we are able to quiet the mind and examine it, we are able to decide what is useful and what is holding us back.

This is an amazing book and I won’t even try to begin to summarize it but it’s changed my life – here’s the link!

http://www.untetheredsoul.com

My general fear of not being good at things totally got in the way of something that I (or anyone else for that matter) cannot even "do wrong” or incorrectly. I think subconsciously I was scared of what I was going to find once I delved into the murky waters of my mind. At first it was in fact a little scary but eventually once I was able to start observing and cleaning it out, the things caught in my cobweb of lies got a lot lighter and I had much more clarity. 

*I just want to say that no matter how you are doing it, just because you are making the effort, in essence, you cannot be doing it wrong. This isn’t like sex, there isn’t anyone on the other end grading your performance. It’s about your experience and your ability to notice your own self (what’s true and what isn’t, what serves you and what doesn't). What did YOU actually put there by choice? If you don't like it, here's the opportunity to kick it the eff out.

The art of “Noticing” is another term that I struggled with for a long time. What does it really mean to notice? As I said my mind works triple shifts , so there is no shortage of things for me to notice. The act of noticing is to remove yourself from the center and step back and have a look at it. It's like you are the one spinning that damn ride at the park and you are also the one on it feeling sick and wanting off. Meditation is to step off.  It’s different than" thinking" because by definition when we are “thinking” we are caught in the center of the tornado of our thoughts, just like we are day in and day out. It’s that little period of time where we have a purposeful ability  to step off and sit back, assume the perspective of the observer and just watch what the mind has to say. "Noticing" differentiates the seat in which you take through the storm of your thoughts.

A really great example for "how" mediation helped me is my body image issues. When I started meditating noticing my thoughts helped me to see them for what they really were, who was the influence on my thoughts – were they even my own and did I in fact agree with any of them? As it turns out the answer to most of these is no -  like anyone who grew up watching tv, reading teen magazines and surfing the web I have seen a myriad of images that have given forced me to create a blue print of what my body needs to look like in order to be loved and accepted and when it doesn’t I am uncomfortable, sad and angry.

Meditation has helped me to “get into my body”, just sit with it and observe how my body really feels. Can I feel the roll on my tummy? Is it truly uncomfortable? Or is it the thought of it? How do I feel in my own skin, the warmth of my body, the flow of my blood, the softness of my face (or lack thereof). These are all things that when I stopped to notice, I realized I can be at home by just being in my body. Really, it is my home, it’s where “I” reside. I am able to say I am 100% comfortable in my own skin, and here is a very accurate picture of what my own skin looks like while I meditate. (I got the one boob bigger than the other boob, the stretchy stretchy marks, le roll etc. This post isn't about pictures of women's bodies that haven't been altered of photoshopped, but here is one for you.)

At first I found meditation very uncomfortable, not just in my mind but for my body as well. Having twins has lasting effects on the tail bone, lower and upper back not to mention my ab wall that (before yoga) was not pulling it’s weight in keeping me upright or seated – or in any position at all. When you first start out, finding a comfortable seat is to me, vitally important. I have tried to meditate laying down and I fall asleep usually. Sitting upright allows you to stay awake and if you are comfortable enough you can slip into a meditative state a little easier and focus on your "noticed" or "unnoticed" thoughts. Getting comfortable just gets the body-noise out of the way. Maybe someday I will be past noticing of the physical pain, maybe I will be able to get beyond it but for now I want my time to be utilized working on my "mind chatter".

In my journey to mee-dom, to love myself inside and out making friends with my physical self has been crucially important because I realized how hard I was on my level of "beautification"  - and that was taking up a lot of my time, energy and mind space. Now that it’s something I think much less about, I am able to go in and work on my state of being – present, and mindful, and loving and happiness. I have realized that how my body looks does not dictate my level of happiness and anyone can find comfort when they close their eyes and go inward.

Something that has helped me with my mediation is finding the right cushion.
When I meet the lovely Leah at the yoga fair I felt so cozy in her company, she is a soft gentle light. She hand makes the cushions and wait for it...has an affinity for birds. The cushions have organic buckwheat in them so you can shift them around finding your own personal comfy seat and the cushion has the utmost support as it will form to your very own bum and does not get warn in any after sitting on it lots! Making meditation more physically comfortable has enabled me to sit down and sink in. Mediation has helped me to get the thoughts under control and figure out which ones I would like to invite to stay and therefore allows me let go of the rest. My beliefs about myself and the world around me have changed drastically. When you can recognize your thoughts for what they really are you are the one in control not your environment, circumstances or other people's shit. So many times I have been caught in the whirlwind of a situation to realize that it’s my own belief system, or the way I think things “should be” only to find out that if I can let go of all of that I can find happiness in every single situation.

Even as I write this now I am reminded that mediation is only a thought away.  My cushion has become a part of my body. I sink in and settle and watch the movie of my life from the best most comfiest seat in the house, and the best part is I have the remote – I can change the picture anytime I like. Other best part? My cushion has a handle, that's right - I can take it everywhere I go! Leah also makes these awesome purses that you can take the handles off to use as a cushion and the insides out to use as a bag! Whaaaat!

Visit Leah's site - she is truly amazing. Her products have a piece of her heart and you can feel the love!

http://myinnerfire.com

The photos on the cushion were done by my lovely friend Kyla as part of a project for my website so stay tuned for the rest of them! 

http://www.kayphotos.com

With love, light and gratitude

Grace K Edison

Namaste