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Pfft, Cleanses are for wimps!

Ok that title was a total bait and switch.
Cleanses are actually the hardest thing ever and they are not for the weak at heart. I myself have never completed a cleanse and if I gave you the impression that I have in the past, well I lied.
Cleansing - what's up with that?
It sounds kinda hard, lame/boring and also a fad or over-popular - so you figure a) why the hell do people do it and b) must not be that hard if everyone seems to be doing it. A lot of people actually have  many opinions about cleansing and EVERYONE is going to have something to say about what you are or are not eating. Suddenly the whole world is an expert on food the minute you utter the words "I can't eat that".
Ok first of all, everyone doesn't do it (or at least complete a cleanse) - because it's hard as balls - well balls aren't hard at all so for sure harder than balls. I'm always boasting when I first start my cleanse, kind of sort of shoving it down people's throat/in their faces (because I think that will somehow make me succeed). I will be like "yeah um I can't have that, because I'm on a cleanse" (said in a valley girl voice).
I started off this greens cleanse super over-zelous. Like "YAY I'm gonna eat only veggies and fruit for 21 days and just totally be so healthy and happy because I know when I eat well I'm like a freakin-awesomesauce!". Er...right.
No. I'm actually a complete bitch for the first few days (I hate that word but shoot, for lack of a better one I will use it here and pray to the Goddess of Feminists that I will be forgiven). Who knew not eating what you want when you want would make you cranky as hell? Huh.

So the first day wasn't so bad, neither was the second...but then I cried like an overtired-nap-deprived-didn't-get-their-way-for-the-first-time-eve- toddler at my desk in the afternoon, after I tore a strip off my best friend for typing two question marks in a text instead of one, unnecessarily yelled at my kids followed by coming home and having a coma nap after work.

Today (day 4) was also hard, and mostly it was the emotions. I know and have known for a loooong time that food and I have relationship problems - our status is eternally "it's complicated". Mostly I have used it to abuse myself both by over eating and under eating. I have looked to food to provide something for me that it never will. I have had to work through all of that in the last 4 days because I couldn't reach for food when my emotions became overwhelming, I had to sit with them, face them and work through them. Ugh.

So when you think about doing a cleanse it's more than just about the "body" (well the body is not separate from the mind/heart/soul but for argument sake let's pretend that it is). I wanted to re-group and start feeding my body for nourishment because as my vibration/consciousness raises and I am more "present" I can tell immediately when I eat something that alters my true state of being.

I figured that cleansing would be hard because well I have tried before and failed and I also know that I would feel deprived at times - and angry or pouty because I couldn't have any "good" yummy "rewardy" treats - that part I expected. I didn't so much expect to have heightened emotions that came on like a fucking freight train slamming me in the chest.
(Side note: we are totally conditioned to eat badly when we are upset, we are marketed to constantly about how we deserve a break aka a kit-kat bar, and chocolate is directly marketed to women as a must have when you need to give yourself the credit you deserve for being super-human! But I digress...).

A lot comes up when you are releasing physical and emotional toxins. You kind of have to face that shit and make a choice as to whether it's going to suck you in and take you down and revert back to old habits or that you are going to rise above *raise fist here. For me it's like taking the high road in an argument going nowhere. Sometimes you just have to walk in the other direction.

Today I was laying in bed after work and my kids were asking me to come play. I had a headache and I just wanted to pass out. What I needed to do was actually eat some more but I already felt annoyed and tired with the damn veggies. I somehow (I have no idea how) manage to peel myself off the bed and go drink some water. I then made some sweet potatoes - correction binged on sweet potatoes. It's not technically cheating but it's like when you have a good conversation with a man that's not your significant other and then you feel a sudden twinge of guilt because you've emotionally cheated on your spouse even though there was no heavy petting involved? Yeah. I ate those sweet potatoes like I was committing adultery with my legs up over my head. Dirty.
So I then felt guilty somehow and that's messed up! I felt guilty for a sweet potato binge? I mean come on. So instead of getting sucked into the black hole of guilt I went outside with my kids with the yoga mats and taught them how to do a sun salutation.
It was amazing. The cool warm breeze, our bare feet on the ground, the laughter of my kids when I said "downward facing dog". I chose the high road and the benefits were huge. Instead of eating my feelings I went out and did something special, and the good feeling of that has lasted all evening instead of how much I would be beating myself up if I had kept eating.

I felt that it was a breakthrough for me. Realizing that when I reach for food it's usually to try and attain some kind of emotional satisfaction or distraction. What I needed was to connect and who better to connect with than my kiddos? They are always there to warm my heart and remind me that I have everything I need.

Realizing that I am not "depriving" myself and that this isn't punishment and it's certainly not about weight loss (well ok maybe a little bit but way less abusive than ever before). This is about feeding my body what it needs in order for me to fully become the person I am meant to be, no additives, no fake shit, no preservatives, no toxins getting in the way of my highest potential.
So if you are thinking about doing a cleanse, try to make sure you are getting some support. The group and daily emails we are getting from Tara and Dana are holistic and cover ever aspect to what you will experience on an elimination - and how to release what will come up that you will want to hold on to, because change is hard guys...but  without friction change doesn't happen and damn it - it's worth it!

If you want to be a part of the next cleanse challenge, I have to highly recommend you check it out!
http://us5.campaign-archive1.com/?u=8027296e51ee38716e657035e&id=f1f55d24f0

Pre-cleanse (bad food binge) I had been pretty foggy in the head and what I noticed today was that my creative juices started flowing again and I was finally able to write and sort through my thoughts and feelings!

With Love and Gratitude,

Grace Karyn



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