So today is day 3. It was a tuffy.
I was fine all day, even when Erin ate her yummy smelling food in our shared work space.
I am not craving anything really and I am not feeling hungry. Goes to show that all the times I have thought about food in the last 3 days have been purely for emotional reasons. I know you are thinking "no, you thought about food because your body needs it!" But-ter I really don't feel that that is it. My brain is fully functioning, and I don't feel tired, I have very few minor pangs of hunger throughout the day - a brief few minutes in the morning before I get some juice into me.
I was a little emotional saute´d tonight just because I couldn't sit at the table with the kids and Danny and savour some family time, oh and eat the realllllly good smelling food he made. It was, after all, my favourite chicken with green beans and potatoes. Yum.
Dinner is a time when families get together at the end of a day of being apart. We rarely eat anywhere but at the table together, which is something I didn't even realize we were so good at.
More than the smell I wanted to chew. And more than I wanted to chew I wanted to swallow. To be perfectly honest, I wanted to just marinade my whole body in whatever the chicken was cooked in.
I cleared the plates off the table, and I was so tempted to pick up some already cut chicken and chomp it on down.
I also felt like going on a date tonight, for some eats with Danny. It's really revealing that all social events involve of revolve around food. After I swallowed the fact that I couldn't eat, I no longer wanted to go anywhere. A bit sad isn't it? I even thought of a movie - and then I was crispy when I thought - no treats!
I keep reminding myself that food will be there in 7 days, just as it always has been. Which lead me to realize that I have a genuine fear of a lack of food? So strange really because never in my life has there ever been such a thing. In fact, the opposite is true.
I know that if I give up before I have completed what I set out to do, I will get to what should have been Master Cleanse day 10 and I will think holy frig I could have been done by now but instead I am sitting here regretting that I just couldn't stick to it. The very second I put a piece of food in my mouth one day too early I will be going..."that was what all the fuss was about?"
People have been through serious starvation, hunger and lack and I am sitting here voluntarily fasting, like it's a test of strength and wit.
I am now more aware of how much food gets wasted in this house, when others go without.
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