Skip to main content

Master cleanse day 1.

Day 1 of Master Cleanse.
Side note: It's not really congruent with my journey to wee-dom and I want to change the name of this blog. More on that later (another day).
Disclaimer: Most of this may or may not make any sense. Thank you for fumbling through it and don't let this taint your opinion of my other blogs, notes or any other written input. I love to write and I love to share so I hope this one doesn't change your enjoyment for the things I have written in the past.
I know some of you are thinking "that's stupid" and that's ok. I need a break and here's why.

The breakdown:
The reason I say this is not congruent with my journey to wee-dom is that I'm not doing the cleanse for weight loss. My main reason is to gain perspective on food. I feel like I eat when I am anything. In other words - if I am sad, I am anxious, I am angry, board, mad, disappointed...happy etc. Today, I think I thought about food 10 different times before I started to become aware of the fact that I wasn't able to "plan" what to eat. It's strange how much my days revolve around when I will eat next and how much vested brain space goes to food. When I get in the car I think "could I stop and get some food?". When I get home I think "what can we make to eat?". I know these seem like simple, normal thoughts but what if I could cut these strings and make space for other thoughts? As an example, instead of eating I sat and showed Megan how to use a loom today. I felt useful instead of just full.

I want to look to food for nourishment, for health and longevity. For a clear, focused and active mind. Right now I am not eating for sustainability, I am eating for fun, self punishment and sometimes even to rebel...against who? Myself I suppose.
Inside thought: I feel drunk-ish. Writing is really hard right now.

I was doing really well up until 8pm when a little headache started, followed by being really tired and a little hungry. I just got some more juice because someone said in their video blog that you should listen to your body and I thought that was what my body was saying.
In general I feel poopy with a hint of weird. I watched a few video blogs today that I hoped would describe what I would feel like. It's human nature to want to feel prepared is it not?
How can one describe a feeling though really? We all interpret discomfort and pain differently. Best word I can think of is wonky? This is another reason I wanted to do this, kinda of like walking over hot coals, I wonder how tough my mind really is. This is also the year of doing the things I have told myself I cannot do. So far I have been crafty, done paintings, learned to knit on a loom and now I challenge myself to solely drink a drink that is far from delicious for 10 days.
I think I should go to bed. I thought I would be able to describe this a little better but my brain feels like it's on sleep mode with me still being awake.
Everything is super bright.
I am committed to doing this for 10 days at least. Apparently it gets easier. Last time I did it - (or tried) I was in university and I just remember being super grossed out and quitting. Not this time! Think good thoughts, I don't write to accumulate negativity.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

What do She-Ra and my Period have in common?

Part I: I am sitting here crying for no reason. Well...let me define "no reason". There is no apparent reason but I am sure there are infinite possibilities of reasons. I was wiping away the tears with vast exasperation when I heard a voice in my head say "Come on, pull yourself together!" and suddenly I found myself saying aloud in an effort to take a stand "NO!". (As I get older I talk to myself). Why should I have to? In my almost 30 years of experience, crying always had something to tell me, if I can shut up long enough to listen. When I think about it, I'm probably PMS'ing. At first I was mad about it I thought "Oh shit here we go..." but no, now I realize I want to try something new. I want to try and honour this, maybe it's important to see the feelings for what they are and not hide behind them. I am sure that PMS can show us strong but important emotions if we can find a safe place to cradle and then release them. ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The adventures of naked face Grace!!

I'm getting use to not wearing makeup on a day to day basis now but to go to a special event where I didn't know many people - of all women - was a total new leap outside my comfort zone. I was really nervous. To add insult to what I felt was injury, my armpits were sweating so much I'm pretty sure my shirt was soaked. I then had to realize that sweat is natural and normal and that this too was "no big deal". Wow did I feel naked, exposed and vulnerable. I had to dig sooooo deep for confidence. I was really surprised by my feelings of inferiority. No one was making me feel this way, no one was treating me like I was treating myself. I had built up these standards and it was time to tear them down. At first I wanted to tell people that I was not wearing makeup on purpose. In the very least I wanted to make up excuses for myself like "Gosh! I am just so tired!" But I wasn't tired at all so why would I tell a story that wasn't true? I pulled o...
4 comments
Read more

How quick are you gonna get up?

So I'm running tonight - and it's going fairly well until I look down at my shadow and it resembles a bouncing cadillac with a biiiiiiiig trunk. Ba-ba-ba-boing goes my cadill-ass. At first I thought I was mistaken, that isn't my shadow...or at least it's exaggerating the gravity of the situation here. Basically, I had a decision to make, feel sorry for my big trunk or get motivated. Every time I wanted to stop and walk, I just checked in with my shadow and it was on like donkey kong (do people still say that?). Thank goodness I had my headphones on, because in between songs all I could hear was some awful panting that sounding like an animal being sacrificed. I pretended it wasn't me and kept rhythmically running to some old Mariah Carey songs. So, I realized thinking of all the things I am thankful for would help me keep my mind off of the large wall I was about to hit, metaphorically speaking. At first I was thankful for my feet, my shoes that are so comfy, runni...
8 comments
Read more