Hi my name's "Chubbay"

So I'm still sick. I know, ridiculous. But I have lost 5 lbs, incase anyone is wondering yet. Which feels pretty good. It's just enough to give me a slight skip in my step. Which brings me to something I have been pondering since my first year of university. Apparently, there have been studies done on the approachability of people with rounder faces. People with round faces resemble that of babies, and therefore appear to be non-threatening and friendlier. If you take a look back through history, you will notice that many great comedians also in fact have round/fatter faces. John Candy, Chris Farley, John Pinette, Jonah Hill, Margaret Cho...even Will Ferrell had a little roundness at times. Let's examine this further.

I don't think it's a big secret that one of the things I enjoy more than anything is making people laugh. I'll even let you in on a little secret - it's always been a dream of mine to do stand up. I would LOVE to be a stand up comedian! I have also found that in my skinnier days, I lost a lot of my drive to humorize. Because I was "prettier" (or so I thought) I didn't see the need to be funny. I stopped working on my personality because I thought good things come to those who are attractive - just by being attractive.

I think my sense of humour has always been a big part of who I am but it's also something I feel takes the spotlight or attention away from the things I don't like so much about myself, hiding the insecurities, you know. Over time it's become a even bigger part of me, I'd rather be funny than skinny. I think being thin can act as an illusion for being liked or respected. We think that if we are thin, or pretty that people will want to be around us, be our friend - that life will somehow be different or easier. Really they have no co-relation. Again, I believe it's a farce the media has led us to believe - "be gorgeous, you'll be popular and allll your problems will disappear". I honestly think people (who don't consider themselves beautiful are intimidated by super gorgeous people (by definition of the media or "they" as I like to call them. That being said it's the old adage about "don't judge a book by it's cover". Whether someone is thinner or rounder - it doesn't mean anymore or in any way that what they look like will give you any indication of what that person will be like. I find that many times really beautiful people are nicer than I thought they were going to be, they are kind and sensitive and have their own inner demons to battle - just like everyone else.

*Even people with acne (on the proactive commercial)talk about how "people in your class will notice, your boyfriend will notice!" Like seriously, what is that? No one wants to talk to you if you have pimples? Sheesh we need to reevaluate our priorities if that's the case. "It makes you feel good, and it makes you happy to be yourself" - proactive quote. Guess what, not having pimples isn't going to make you love who you are as a person or as a part of humanity more...is it? If it is, we could end up a pretty shallow race. Think about it for a second, if people are talking to you more or inviting you to the neighbourhood parties once your skin clears up, it might be a warning sign instead of a blessing. I watched a show that did a case study where they had a pretty young lady who had clear skin go on the street and try to get people walking by to try her home made spaghetti. Then they did her make-up to look like she had serious acne. They wanted to see if how people feel is fact. Would people find her "gross" or "unattractive" and not want to try her spaghetti? Results showed that MORE people tried her spaghetti when she had the acne make-up on. Go figure.

I think wanting to look better is a good thing - if for the right reasons. If it means feeling better and having more energy, then great. I have been saying this all along (I hope it's clear). Eating properly and loving who you are NOW, fat, pimples and all. When the changes start to happen, it's a good feeling - you had a goal and saw it through, you loved yourself enough to increase your mood and energy, and yes your favorite jeans fit! We have it backwards though, waiting for something to happen or change in order to love yourself "when I am skinny I can be happy, when I am rich, then I can really be happy." Putting off happiness is crazy. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY NOW! There isn't anything that is going to happen that will HELP you realize your own happiness and worth. You are you - right now, in this very moment - overweight, pimply and in your mom jeans.

What I am getting at in all of this is that my body has not been a downfall, but a blessing. My round face let's people feel comfortable to approach me and talk to me. Maybe it's partly why I started to want to make people laugh. Am I saying that I never want to be in shape? No, but I am looking at it and thinking that something good has come out of all of this none the less. I worked harder at becoming someone I love because I felt that my personality should shine brighter than my mom-ass. So I am confident that when people think of me, they think "Oh Grace, I like spending time with her because she's (fill in nice character traits)" not "Oh Grace has put on weight and she took up most of the pew when she sat next to me". Our bodies are beautiful, if we allow them to be. I will continue to exercise and nourish my body but because I love it and I am glad it's helped "shape" who I am.