Today is a great day. You will never guess why. The scale read something horrific but I still felt good! That's HUGE-mungous for me. Yesterday when I caught of glimpse of myself in the mirror (in the truck side mirror, never flattering from a down angle) my first thoughts wasn't "ew gross more chins than a Chinese phone book" it was "aw Grace you have a friendly face. I think it's a face people want to get to know and trust." SERIOUSLY, this was what happened I couldn't make that up. I have hated my round/fat/double chin face even when I was 'skinny'. Come to think of it, the feelings have never changed - skinny or heavy, I've always felt BAD about myself. How can things really change if you perspective never does?
When I see old pictures of me, I tend to think - ohhh I was in such good shape why can't I look like that now - it's a total joke, because when I did look like that I still hated my body. When I think those thoughts "if only I was thinner, my life would be soo much better! My day would start out great, my clothes would fit the way I want them too and that would spread throughout my whole life." Does that not sound ridiculous when you read it? I mean come on, being skinny isn't going to stop my kids from throwing tantrums, or Danny and I from yelling at each other. What a fantasy. To think that being skinny (or anything else you really want, money, house, car) will solve or prevent all the other ongoing obstacles? NO! It's about the journey.
I got a call last night from my lovely friend Carly. She wanted to call to personally tell me the difference the blog is making for her. That she realizes she had it all backwards. Exercising because you hate your body is upside down, backwards - square in round hole. To really make progress we need to love what we have and want to take care of it. Nurture our bodies like we would our little babies. hahaha...that made me laugh out loud! It's just such a new concept for me! You mean to say...look in the mirror, read the scale and not beat myself up? WHAT?!?!?
It doesn't matter so much 'why' or 'how' we got to doing this to ourselves, no need to figure out where we went wrong, just need to start going right. That holds true, in my opinion, for so many things!
Yesterday, on our walk, Heather R. and I tried to cut corners and not go up the steep hill with the double strollers. To our surprise, the hill that looks "not so steep" on one side, is a much longer gradual hill that almost killed us, on the other side. We had to laugh when Heather E. and Lance drove by us struggling to get up to our house at the top of the hill. We had our butts pushed out to the max, bent over straight arming these kids up the hill. My calves were on FIRE.
What felt so good, and amazes me the most is our will to conquer. We didn't give up or stop. We had to get home. Mostly because Lilly was not into the walk from about mid-way. She kept yelling "out, out" the whole time. When you are exhausted and pushing that kind of weight up hill, your daughter screaming at you is even less delightful than it sounds. It wasn't encouraging at all. Why couldn't she be yelling high school basketbal cheers? S-P-I-R-I-T we've got spirit come'on let's hear it - is that too much to ask? Either that or she could have gotten out and pushed with me. Oh wait, she's 2.
Speaking of Lilly, (FYI, powerful thought warning) it occured to me that if I don't change these negative thought patterns, her and Oliver are going to watch and learn. So if that's not motivation for me, I don't know what is.
What I have found is that it's not always easy, and sometimes the walks or runs are not enjoyable at all, but now that I've made it more about loving myself, sticking to it and the satisfaction of achievement it's loads easier than when was trying to motivate myself by screaming at my pants for shrinking and crying when I saw myself naked in the mirror. So yes, Carly Banks - it was all backwards and I thank you for helping me see how to turn it around.
When I see old pictures of me, I tend to think - ohhh I was in such good shape why can't I look like that now - it's a total joke, because when I did look like that I still hated my body. When I think those thoughts "if only I was thinner, my life would be soo much better! My day would start out great, my clothes would fit the way I want them too and that would spread throughout my whole life." Does that not sound ridiculous when you read it? I mean come on, being skinny isn't going to stop my kids from throwing tantrums, or Danny and I from yelling at each other. What a fantasy. To think that being skinny (or anything else you really want, money, house, car) will solve or prevent all the other ongoing obstacles? NO! It's about the journey.
I got a call last night from my lovely friend Carly. She wanted to call to personally tell me the difference the blog is making for her. That she realizes she had it all backwards. Exercising because you hate your body is upside down, backwards - square in round hole. To really make progress we need to love what we have and want to take care of it. Nurture our bodies like we would our little babies. hahaha...that made me laugh out loud! It's just such a new concept for me! You mean to say...look in the mirror, read the scale and not beat myself up? WHAT?!?!?
It doesn't matter so much 'why' or 'how' we got to doing this to ourselves, no need to figure out where we went wrong, just need to start going right. That holds true, in my opinion, for so many things!
Yesterday, on our walk, Heather R. and I tried to cut corners and not go up the steep hill with the double strollers. To our surprise, the hill that looks "not so steep" on one side, is a much longer gradual hill that almost killed us, on the other side. We had to laugh when Heather E. and Lance drove by us struggling to get up to our house at the top of the hill. We had our butts pushed out to the max, bent over straight arming these kids up the hill. My calves were on FIRE.
What felt so good, and amazes me the most is our will to conquer. We didn't give up or stop. We had to get home. Mostly because Lilly was not into the walk from about mid-way. She kept yelling "out, out" the whole time. When you are exhausted and pushing that kind of weight up hill, your daughter screaming at you is even less delightful than it sounds. It wasn't encouraging at all. Why couldn't she be yelling high school basketbal cheers? S-P-I-R-I-T we've got spirit come'on let's hear it - is that too much to ask? Either that or she could have gotten out and pushed with me. Oh wait, she's 2.
Speaking of Lilly, (FYI, powerful thought warning) it occured to me that if I don't change these negative thought patterns, her and Oliver are going to watch and learn. So if that's not motivation for me, I don't know what is.
What I have found is that it's not always easy, and sometimes the walks or runs are not enjoyable at all, but now that I've made it more about loving myself, sticking to it and the satisfaction of achievement it's loads easier than when was trying to motivate myself by screaming at my pants for shrinking and crying when I saw myself naked in the mirror. So yes, Carly Banks - it was all backwards and I thank you for helping me see how to turn it around.
some pretty clear thinking through all of this, I have always struggled with you over committing your self, trying to be all things to all people, on the run, but not coming up for air, taking the time for reflection, to appreciate and establish priorities and goals... love your critical thinking about marketing and the affect the media has had on what's in our heads... also love the Carly "why" and your latest reminder to yourself that you are THE role model for your kids and they are hearing their mom say, "you can do it"
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