How quick are you gonna get up?

So I'm running tonight - and it's going fairly well until I look down at my shadow and it resembles a bouncing cadillac with a biiiiiiiig trunk. Ba-ba-ba-boing goes my cadill-ass. At first I thought I was mistaken, that isn't my shadow...or at least it's exaggerating the gravity of the situation here. Basically, I had a decision to make, feel sorry for my big trunk or get motivated. Every time I wanted to stop and walk, I just checked in with my shadow and it was on like donkey kong (do people still say that?).

Thank goodness I had my headphones on, because in between songs all I could hear was some awful panting that sounding like an animal being sacrificed. I pretended it wasn't me and kept rhythmically running to some old Mariah Carey songs.

So, I realized thinking of all the things I am thankful for would help me keep my mind off of the large wall I was about to hit, metaphorically speaking. At first I was thankful for my feet, my shoes that are so comfy, running in the country among the orchards and sweet smell of horse dung and then I started to approach the very steep hill about half way through the 5.6km route I have been taking. I start to get nervous rounding the corner, especially when I have the kids in the stroller that I don't have my cell phone to call home for help if I get stuck half way up. Usually we stop just before the hill and park in front of the cows feeding in the pasture and talk to the big white cow. Lilly and Oliver will yell "hi mooo cow" and then we thank her for her milk and for eating grass (instead of grains or something else cow's can't digest) and collect ourselves (or me at least) before the big push up the steep hill. Today I didn't have the kids, but I stopped to talk the big white cow anyway. I realize this is a little silly (crazy) but when you need strength sometimes it helps to focus in on what you want and ask for it out loud. So I ask the big white cow to push me up the hill. While I was running I was visualizing the big white momma cow pushing my big white momma ass up the street and sure enough I made it to the top. I'm not going to sugar coat it here, it was hard as hell and I wanted to lie down in the fetal position on the shoulder of the road and wait for someone to come and pick me up. Just then my ipod changed songs and "Ali in the Jungle" by The Hours came on. Besides the fact that it's one of my favorite songs, the lyrics are all about getting up when you've been knocked down. "Everybody gets knocked down...how quick are you gonna get up?"

Needless to say it made me think about many different situations in my life where I could have admitted defeat, felt failure and succumb to it. In some cases I have succumbed, but I think now it's a matter of perspective. This past year I kept telling myself that my running days were over, my body has changed and I just couldn't hack it. The odds can alway be against you. I say eff the odds, you can do whatever you believe you can do. I'm just a regular person with average obstacles and self doubt, there are real heros out there - Terry Fox, Rick Hanson...the list goes on. I just a mom trying to lose 30 lbs and damn it, I'm going to do it.

Thanks for reading!