Yesterday I did NOT want to go for a run, or walk or do anything resembling exercise whatsoever. I actually was laying half on half off my bed staring at myself in the mirror with my feet dragging out behind me sideways trying to convince myself that I didn't have to go, that I could just skip. Then I thought about how I didn't do anything the day before and that this would be a slippery slope if I wasn't careful. But I still didn't want to friggen go. I felt like a 3 year old arguing with myself back and forth in my head. I also thought 'it's early enough into my blog that if I miss a day or two no one will notice'. True, no one will notice now but then I had to think of the facts. This is going to be a long term goal and life change and what I do now and in the net 30 days will be crucial to make it a habit. Not to mention that if I start slacking in a month or two people who have been reading along will start looking for my progress. "Oh..." they'll say.."Grace hasn't really lost any weight. She's bloggin (Danny hates that word) about running etc but maybe she's just writing that, maybe she's....LYING!" I don't want that, I want to be as honest as possible. So I hauled myself up squished into my lu-lu lemon bra (which I thought would be a nice treat to my boobies), pants, sweater and some non-matching socks. For those of you who know me, I hate it when socks don't match, so I was angry already. When I got outside I kept thinking again "maybe I can just go for a short one, I'll just double back and not to the full loop." BTW, I'm bringing the term 'double-back' back. So then I had a self-intervention and walked over to my neighbour Heather's and asked/forced her to come with me. That way I knew I would have to do a decent power walk up some hills. I couldn't be a slacker if Heather was with me, she'd hold me accountable just by being there not to mention she knows about my blog. I also know that Heather and I are in the same boat. She has two wee kiddos very close together and has very little time for herself. So we could sink in this boat together or we could team-action-dragon-boat this sh*t! Perfect. So off we went. (Side note: In dragon boating you cannot ever ever pull your paddle because then the team is carrying you, and if you are at the front of the boat like Gale and I were on our team, everyone behind can see you and it sends a message that if you are tired just give up, and typically the rest of the team loses focus.)
What I found has been helpful in the moments when I don't want to go and I start talking myself out of staying on track, is finding my WHY instead of the HOW. My "why" is the reason I want to exercise or as Rhonda Victoor (a motivational speaking I saw once) says "Your BIG gem". To be honest getting thinner or being in wicked shape wasn't alone cutting it. When it takes too long to see a difference, I usually give up. Or when I am focused on HOW, I get all disgruntled because I don't have the ideas or the answers yet and it discourages me. How the hell am I going to run a marathon? How the hell am I going to be successful in my business when I'm so young..."How" causes the focus to be on what all the things are that we don't have now but need to do or change. As Lilly says "Mommy...YUCKY." And that's how "HOW" makes me feel. So eff "HOW".
I didn't really find my "why" or "gem" until I started walking/running. I have noticed that my thoughts are much more clear. I haven't been as overwhelmed by all the different directions my mind gets going. It's like my mind is getting even more exercise than my buttocks. I'm like a puppy. I need to run myself so that I am tuckered out and not running in circles chasing my own tail (unproductive). I use to have this quote up in my cubicle when I lived in Toronto that said "An overactive mind is an under-active body". I didn't truly get it until this week though, how crucial this really is for me. I can talk myself into a decently thick state of depression. Fear and Loathing in Grace's Head.
So that is my "why", that is what is going to keep me most motivated for now. I am sure I'll find more reasons (alone time, fresh air, the running 'high', reaching the goal of a marathon, a sexy ass etc.). But a clear head is immediate and I can see the benefits already. It'll take a while for the pounds to drop, but for now I know that everyday that I kick my ass out the door I benefit and everyone else around me benefits because I am in much better spirits (without having to even drink any). I am even sleeping better (except for when my son decides to come and poke me in the eyelids at 5am, or come in and say "Momma, I poo'd"). So I think I've found the ticket that's going to start me on my journey to where I want to be. The rest will come, but the short term gratification is there and isn't that what we all want, to see immediate benefits? Isn't that WHY we changed our hair colour, buy new outfits get plastic surgery. Because we want it NOW. Thanks for reading!
God Grace, you're so right.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you've put a new light on things for me. I went for a long hike yesterday, and, now that you mention it, was it ever nice to hear NOTHING. No overanalyzing babble mindlessly rambling ever-consistently through my brain. Just fresh air and clarity.
I'll try to keep that in mind next time I feel the laziness taking over. But you've done a great thing by holding yourself accountable to everyone around you as well as yourself. Sometimes I feel like letting myself down isn't so bad; it's others that I can't let down. But now that I've gone and written that out, it sounds backwards...