Journey to Mee-dom

I'm sorry. I have had a rough week of sinus obnoxiousness. It started last Friday and I thought it was better by Sunday, so on Monday I went to hot yoga and that evening I just filled up. I actually thought my teeth were falling out of my head. The rest of the week has been painful to say the least. Rest and recovery. It's such a hard concept for me to grasp now-a-days. As a kid (and even still today if I were possible) I liked being sick because it meant attention. You require help and love from those healthy enough to provide it, and when they did you sure knew they loved you. It almost eliminated the fact that you were sick, all the love and attention. "Poor baby", "oh honey, let me get that for you". Well let me just say...this isn't the case when you're a mom. Who looks after mommies? Daddies have to work and if you are sick, likely your kids are sick too and that means that they probably got the daycare provider sick also - so here you are - s...

Pre-Blog note: Someone farted at hot yoga tonight. No one laughed or even said a word. No one yelled out "oops" or "sorry" even! I mean I know yoga is a serious practice, and farts happen no one should be ashamed... but come on, it was a fart! We were created to fart so that we can laugh. It hurt me inside to let a fart-laugh moment go by. This may offend people who don't find farts funny...I feel sorry for you. Luckily we weren't in this position... Before I begin, I'd like to say that I went in and bought new yoga/work out gear FINALLY. Just before class I went in to..dun dun dun...LULU LEMON. Ahhhh! Yes I did it, but I found something so perfect that it only took me 5 minutes and it was on sale! So win win. I felt so damn good I almost wore high heels into the class. I also may have strutted. Pants that I could pull up HIGH without a camel toe, to tuck in the twin-belly but so comfortably so the top wasn't rolling down over it the whole time, and ...

I fell in love with myself. In the mirror. At hot yoga. Yes. It was surreal. Let me just walk you through the turn of events here. I have gone to Bikram, and really I don't like the dictator military style of it. Different kind of suffocating heat as well, not infrared. (Sorry to all you bikram lovers this is just my opinion remember). I also have always claimed to not like yoga. I would say it's too slow for me, I like bootcamp and hardcore stuff. However, Heather E. convinced me to come and try it with her. I was nervous, I really didn't know what to expect - it was power yoga. "What the heck is that?" I kept thinking in my head, are we going to use weights? So I walk in, and of course there are people there getting into their yoga zone, laying still on the floor in the heat. So I followed suite and got down and into what I was hoping would be a lovely meditation. Just then, my mind started spinning out of control. So I remembered all that I know about meditati...

Sigh. I just got the mini's into bed and finally got a chance to sit down in my bath robe to write. I'm full, but a healthy happy kind of full. I'm proud to announce that my eating habits have been improving this week! I have to admit to something though - I have big motivation. Although it's only two and a half weeks away I am going to be sitting in the sun with some friends and I would love to feel proud to sit in my bathing-suit. Now, this means so many things. First, I don't anticipate nor do I want to lose some outlandish amount of weight in two weeks BUT I do want to feel good about my progress/body. Second, it would be nice while I'm away to be able to "stay on track" instead of figuring that I am already not "really" doing well so what's another few days of bad food. And last, I really needed a fire lit under my mom-ass. So there you have it. Plus, I'm not really into this look... I also have BIG news. I quick drinking coffee ...

Igor. That's who I feel like when I run. Sloppy, uncoordinated and limbs flailing all over the map. Frothing at the mouth, googly eyed and unpredictable. I catch glimpses of a passer-by that confirm clearly wondering if I need assistance or a straight jacket. I guess that's what happens when you try to run 30-40 lbs heavier than you were last time you were an avid runner. It just doesn't "flow". It's such an effort in every single part of my body, but I haaaaave to keep trying. People say it'll get easier. I believe them even though I want to scream "LIAR's" in their face. Of course it gets easier, so easy to say after you make it over the hump. But I love them for whispering these sweet nothings in my ear about how wonderful I'm going to feel. Make love to me with you passionate stories of marathons and triumph. Oh! Oh! Ohhhhhh! Today Heather E. pushed me and I did love her for it, in a sick twisted kind of way. When I would start to wan...

I'm sticking by the whole "just get your running clothes on" and getting out the door becomes easy. It's the first step and the hardest but once they are on you might as well go. Today that was what did it for me. It also caused me to realize that I have the crappiest work out gear and that an 80's-aerobics-enthusiast would even turn their nose up at my selection. If I just go get some stuff that fits properly and feels good that could help big time. My muffin top doesn't need any extra assistance from a pair of spandex that only a tween volleyball player should wear. Laying on the couch thinking about getting dressed scares me (commence whiny voice) "how long it's going to take and how hard it's going to be?", but once I have my gear on - I seem to stop over-thinking it and tell myself to just go - do your best. Everything is easier once you just get going. It's like that even with writing my blog. Usually, when I sit down to write I th...

Part I: Feeling a little rough today. May have had one too many drinks last night and not enough water, but I'm going to go for a hike regardless. I am feeling like dump so I know it's the only way today. Yesterday I was so close to napping again instead of going for a walk, but I did it. The only thing I can do in those situations is find a friend to walk with (Thank you Kelsey S. I loved our walk) because I love spending time with other awesome women and that is my motivation in those moments. (Right now I can see my reflection in the computer screen and the angle is giving me a lovely view of my double chin. I'm actually concerned that I didn't notice it was this bad? Is the computer screen playing tricks on me? Sad face.) Anyway, yes walking with amazing women. I just want to take a moment to recognize all the wonderful ladies in my life. Walking and running has allowed me to spend a good solid hour (even if we have our kids or dogs) getting some quality time, talki...

I went for a medium paced walk today but it was really a physical and mental rest/wellness day for me. I practiced the art of napping. This morning I walked with my friends Crystal and then had a wonderfully delicious healthy 'beat pear rocket salad' for lunch. Afterwards, I went to give blood (I'm AB+, which represents 2.5% of the total population) so I felt it was my duty to get in there and give. I was so tired afterwards though, and because the kids were at daycare I just came home and curled up in my duvet and shut'er down. I really needed it and I was happy to recognize it and also be able to allow myself to do that - with no guilt. I worked a 12 hour day yesterday and needed some recovery. I recognized early in the morning that I was feeling a little off. Felt a little frustration rise up in me when my clothes felt just as snug as they did yesterday and two weeks ago. I kind of figure that I should notice my efforts somewhat? I had to really remind myself that it...

Today is a great day. You will never guess why. The scale read something horrific but I still felt good! That's HUGE-mungous for me. Yesterday when I caught of glimpse of myself in the mirror (in the truck side mirror, never flattering from a down angle) my first thoughts wasn't "ew gross more chins than a Chinese phone book" it was "aw Grace you have a friendly face. I think it's a face people want to get to know and trust." SERIOUSLY, this was what happened I couldn't make that up. I have hated my round/fat/double chin face even when I was 'skinny'. Come to think of it, the feelings have never changed - skinny or heavy, I've always felt BAD about myself. How can things really change if you perspective never does? When I see old pictures of me, I tend to think - ohhh I was in such good shape why can't I look like that now - it's a total joke, because when I did look like that I still hated my body. When I think those thoughts ...

So I was thinking about a few comments from friends that mentioned my blog to their hubbies, to which the guys replied "Grace already looks great". I appreciate that, a lot and I am thankful for the wonderful comments from friends to this effect. It got me ta thinkin though. That we live in a society that encourages extremism. Always wanting to change and improve when what we already have is pretty damn good. I even think it myself when people write about sharing the same feelings "shoot, I think 'so-and-so' is already super hot. They don't need to change or lose weight!" We always look at those super fit thin people and yearn to look like that (or whatever it is you don't have that you wish you had, blonde hair, brown hair, higher butt, longer eyelashes etc.) Truth to be told, I doubt those people are aware that they are the envy of all their friends. Are they still looking, searching, criticizing themselves? It's so rare that when we give one ...

Happy Thanksgiving! Yesterday I exercised my Turkey eating skills. Well, all weekend really. We had Turkey with my dad, Gale, Ashley and Luke on Saturday and then we went over to our friends (Heather and Lance's) on Sunday. It was a fantastic weekend. I couldn't have asked for better company. I didn't go for a run, but we did dance our butts off at Broken Social Scene last night! I'm going to post a link to the opening band "The Sea and Cake". I felt discouraged yesterday because I feel like this week was hard work but when I went to put on my jeans that I wore last summer when I had lost weight, there was no chance in H-E-double hockey sticks they were getting done up. I know I know, it's only been a week, but I thought I'd be optimistic and give it a go. I had to really calm myself down because it made me so angry. I guess "it" didn't make me angry, I have a choice to be rational or not here. However I chose to be slightly irrational an...

Yesterday I did NOT want to go for a run, or walk or do anything resembling exercise whatsoever. I actually was laying half on half off my bed staring at myself in the mirror with my feet dragging out behind me sideways trying to convince myself that I didn't have to go, that I could just skip. Then I thought about how I didn't do anything the day before and that this would be a slippery slope if I wasn't careful. But I still didn't want to friggen go. I felt like a 3 year old arguing with myself back and forth in my head. I also thought 'it's early enough into my blog that if I miss a day or two no one will notice'. True, no one will notice now but then I had to think of the facts. This is going to be a long term goal and life change and what I do now and in the net 30 days will be crucial to make it a habit. Not to mention that if I start slacking in a month or two people who have been reading along will start looking for my progress. "Oh..." the...

I have been thinking about one of the comments on my blog all day today. Quote " I walk a fine line between trying to love the body that I have now (and not 5 years ago) and being unhappy enough to change it, do you settle for reality, or keep looking at things that you would like to change". First a little background. So after I posted my blog, I happened to catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror that I forgot wast in our bedroom (we just stuck it there while we decide where to hang it). I was in my underwear and I was utterly and completely devastated. I didn't have a chance to pump myself up and get in positive mode to find all the things I like about my body. It just happened with out any mental preparation. Sometimes I forget what having twins did to my belly, it's rare but it happens. After skin is stretched out that much it's nothing short of scary what is left. The comment above really struck a cord because I wonder sometimes if I should have surgery to rem...

Today's topic is body image. I would like to start specifically with boobs (breasts, boobies, guns, tittays, rack, "bags of sand"). I saw a few women walking today with those sexy sporty tank tops. You know, the tight ones that if worn properly can stop traffic. In my case, if worn right now, those sexy cris-cross straps on my back could possibly be mistaken for a pan of hot cross buns (or in the words of Chris Rock "you got the pump fat comin' out the pump" but on my back). Which brings me to my topic at hand - body image and boobs. I have one of those nice little tankie-tops and it stares me down every time I go in for the big ol' sports bra that will be covered by a t-shirt of Danny's. I want to wear it sooo badly, but I don't really like stuffing my boobs into it...it reminds me of attempting to get a regular size fitted sheet over a double stack pillow top mattress. You know that sh*t doesn't fit just by looking at it. Boobs are a bit of...

Today is going to have to be a stretching/pilates/bathtub day. My kids were looking at me sideways with curiousty as hobled down the stairs to go to work this morning, moaning and drooling with pain. I may have overdone it, but I think some of you will agree that there ain't nothin' better than some good ol' exercise pain! Although that steep hill didn't even kiss me let alone hold my hand as it took advantage of me all the way up to the top (you know I wanted to write something way dirtier there but I'll keep it 'PG'). I want to reflect a little more on my run yesterday because a lot of different emotions and ideas came up for me. Funny, how when the going gets tough my mind gets going. I mean gooooing. I can't shut it off! When I start feeling myself slowing down I start a bit of a choo-choo train chant. It started out as "I can do this, I can do this, I can do this" but it wasn't doing anything for me. I think we know that there is a hug...

So I'm running tonight - and it's going fairly well until I look down at my shadow and it resembles a bouncing cadillac with a biiiiiiiig trunk. Ba-ba-ba-boing goes my cadill-ass. At first I thought I was mistaken, that isn't my shadow...or at least it's exaggerating the gravity of the situation here. Basically, I had a decision to make, feel sorry for my big trunk or get motivated. Every time I wanted to stop and walk, I just checked in with my shadow and it was on like donkey kong (do people still say that?). Thank goodness I had my headphones on, because in between songs all I could hear was some awful panting that sounding like an animal being sacrificed. I pretended it wasn't me and kept rhythmically running to some old Mariah Carey songs. So, I realized thinking of all the things I am thankful for would help me keep my mind off of the large wall I was about to hit, metaphorically speaking. At first I was thankful for my feet, my shoes that are so comfy, runni...

Wow, picking a title for a blog is like picking a name for your first born child! I'm starting this particular blog so that people can virtually accompany me on my journey to better health. To put it bluntly, I'm trying to get back to my pre-baby weight and then some. I know myself well enough to know that if people are encouraging me and checking in on my progress that it will help me stay motivated towards my goal. Any tips, words of encouragement, good work out songs or "how is it going" messages are very much welcomed. There are so many reasons I want to work out. To say it's for optimal health, for me, would be only half the story. I want to look good in those jeans! The ones I have stored in the back of my closest out of sight so they don't nag me with with their taunts "why don't you try us on? Oh...because you know we don't fit...that's right, you gave up on us...might as well give us away at the next clothing swap to someone who cares...