I'm a huge crier.
This is no secret. I think I cry, or get the good ol' watery eyes once a day? Even now the more I connect with myself, the more I seem to cry. I cry more but not necessarily more "freely". I still feel/believe like it's very unacceptable to do in most situations. I catch myself in the car tearing up over a song and I'm like "whoa whoa whoa, boys don't cry!" And then I'm like, but I'm not a boy?
We say and think to ourselves that it's totally ok for men to cry right? But is that the reality? Further more, we have this old (if not ancient) social limitation that men don't really cry but what about women? Why do I feel totally weird when I start crying in front of someone?
Why are emotions scary?
Wow that's a lot of question marks?
I know that I have always thought of myself as a safe person for people to show their emotions around. (Emotions...say that word a few times and see what comes up? It's a loaded word.) But when someone starts crying I often start to panic a bit. Or I think to myself "what can I do to help them stop?" instead of how can I create a safe place for them to just let go.
Tears are so important. They are a release of something built up within that needs to come out. So why is there so much discomfort surrounding them?
I found this awesome blog called www.psychologytoday.com (as psychology was my original university major)
"In my new book I discuss the numerous health benefits of tears. Like the ocean, tears are salt water. Protectively they lubricate your eyes, remove irritants, reduce stress hormones, and they contain antibodies that fight pathogenic microbes. Our bodies produce three kinds of tears: reflex, continuous, and emotional. Each kind has different healing roles. For instance, reflex tears allow your eyes to clear out noxious particles when they’re irritated by smoke or exhaust. The second kind, continuous tears, are produced regularly to keep our eyes lubricated--these contain a chemical called “lysozyme” which functions as an anti-bacterial and protects our eyes from infection. Tears also travel to the nose through the tear duct to keep the nose moist and bacteria free. Typically, after crying, our breathing, and heart rate decrease, and we enter into a calmer biological and emotional state."
There is so much more he says about how awesome it is to cry - so scan through this!
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201007/the-health-benefits-tears
When I was talking to my coach on the phone this morning, she was telling me something profound that pertained to both her and I simultaneously, and she announced "I'm getting emotional." It was almost like a disclaimer, or a warning - just letting me know shit was about to get real. It had nothing to do with what she thought I would think, I believe she knows it's safe to be emotional around me - it was more to give herself the permission perhaps? Like a declaration to set the tone for what is about to happen. A heads up, a verbal authorization. I wish I had said to her like she says to me "What is coming up for you here in this space? Honour that and let 'er rip." She always loves to let me cry because we know so much discovery is going to happen! It's exciting.
I apologize A LOT for crying, which in turn means I apologize a lot period. When I have some emotion (there's that damn word again) coming up and it moves my body to a "liquid release". I always say "sorry, I just need to cry." Although no one ever says "no!" reactions vary. I can see the discomfort on peoples faces, and I think that is a conditioned response. Also just as often people move to hug or comfort me (which is nice) but sometimes I just need to let something out. Sometimes I'm not even sad I'm just "in it", finding something out about myself and it's epic.
I once chatted with my coach about crying in front of our children. How we feel like we shouldn't do it - shouldn't burden them. Lilly caught me crying one day and I kinda just let it all unfold. I explained to her that I was sad. It dawned on me - how can I tell my children it's ok to cry, be angry, feel emotions etc if I never show them this is ok by doing it myself? Why do boys not think it's ok to cry, surely their mothers and fathers tell them it's ok...but do they ever see their fathers crying? The first time I saw Dear of Dad cry, I was scared. I thought the world was ending - that the zombie's were finally here....because he was so strong and never did it something must have been enormously a-rye.
Gill wrote about this here:
http://www.growcoaching.ca/blog/item/90-the-mile-high-club
Somewhere along the lines of history, crying became sort of a tabu thing. A sign of a highly emotional person. Which is for some reason not regarded as an asset, in my opinion. I have to state my disagreement with this silent social boundary because being driven by emotions is actually a beautiful thing.
We are so in our heads.
We have learned to shut our hearts off because it can hurt so badly to let them lead the way. Being vulnerable is one of life's hardest learning curves. But when we don't do this, what do we miss out on??
I am learning that this is not part of who I am, but that it just is WHO I AM and that I better embrace it. When I allow myself to really go there, and feel that emotion I can better navigate my way through what I need to do, or what I may be able to do for someone else.
It's called empathy.
Can you argue that nothing really feels better than a good cry?
Our bodies do amazing things based on how we are feeling. Blushing is one I have been thinking a lot about lately. It's it interesting that we can feel shy, embarrassed, ashamed (and many more I'm sure) and our faces display it by turning red? Our bodies cannot deceive, hide or lie for us - quite often they betray us when we try to hide our feelings. We sweat, we twitch, we look away.
So why is it that when we are sick we don't always take time to realize that we might be stressed, or angry or sad or hurt? Can we not create disease in our bodies because we have dis-ease in our hearts?
When we get stuck in our minds, we forget about what it is we really need and want, and the wants and needs of others. We can be convinced in our minds easily that something is right for us that truly isn't. Our minds are good at so many things (logic, math, problem solving etc). We forget to do that 'gut check', and see what our hearts (hearts live in our guts apparently) have to say about it? We have forgotten how to trust ourselves, our intuition and our instincts because we can't see them and because they don't always have a logical element to them? Well why? You can see tears, you can see illness, you can see a blushed face - it's REAL, emotion is real.
I can't even count the times that I have had a gut feeling, ignored it and thought to myself aftewards "I KNEW that was going to happen!". I thought I knew what I wanted, but really I didn't check with how I felt about what I wanted.
I think we need to honour that our bodies know best. They are the best indication of what is going on for us, and how we are affected by this whirlwind we call our lives.
Louise L. Hay has a great book about what your body is trying to tell you but here is a short version that I came up with:
I have started letting my body do the talking. I am seeing so many messages I missed before. I am allowing it out to breath and do spazz-tic dance moves, because I know that my body is smart enough and resourceful enough to just get louder and more intense with the messages if I choose to ignore them.
"Listen to the whisper, so you don't have to hear the screams."
(One of my all time favourite quotes, can be applied to so many things!)
With love and gratitude always,
Grace E.
This is no secret. I think I cry, or get the good ol' watery eyes once a day? Even now the more I connect with myself, the more I seem to cry. I cry more but not necessarily more "freely". I still feel/believe like it's very unacceptable to do in most situations. I catch myself in the car tearing up over a song and I'm like "whoa whoa whoa, boys don't cry!" And then I'm like, but I'm not a boy?
We say and think to ourselves that it's totally ok for men to cry right? But is that the reality? Further more, we have this old (if not ancient) social limitation that men don't really cry but what about women? Why do I feel totally weird when I start crying in front of someone?
Why are emotions scary?
Wow that's a lot of question marks?
I know that I have always thought of myself as a safe person for people to show their emotions around. (Emotions...say that word a few times and see what comes up? It's a loaded word.) But when someone starts crying I often start to panic a bit. Or I think to myself "what can I do to help them stop?" instead of how can I create a safe place for them to just let go.
Tears are so important. They are a release of something built up within that needs to come out. So why is there so much discomfort surrounding them?
I found this awesome blog called www.psychologytoday.com (as psychology was my original university major)
"In my new book I discuss the numerous health benefits of tears. Like the ocean, tears are salt water. Protectively they lubricate your eyes, remove irritants, reduce stress hormones, and they contain antibodies that fight pathogenic microbes. Our bodies produce three kinds of tears: reflex, continuous, and emotional. Each kind has different healing roles. For instance, reflex tears allow your eyes to clear out noxious particles when they’re irritated by smoke or exhaust. The second kind, continuous tears, are produced regularly to keep our eyes lubricated--these contain a chemical called “lysozyme” which functions as an anti-bacterial and protects our eyes from infection. Tears also travel to the nose through the tear duct to keep the nose moist and bacteria free. Typically, after crying, our breathing, and heart rate decrease, and we enter into a calmer biological and emotional state."
There is so much more he says about how awesome it is to cry - so scan through this!
http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201007/the-health-benefits-tears
When I was talking to my coach on the phone this morning, she was telling me something profound that pertained to both her and I simultaneously, and she announced "I'm getting emotional." It was almost like a disclaimer, or a warning - just letting me know shit was about to get real. It had nothing to do with what she thought I would think, I believe she knows it's safe to be emotional around me - it was more to give herself the permission perhaps? Like a declaration to set the tone for what is about to happen. A heads up, a verbal authorization. I wish I had said to her like she says to me "What is coming up for you here in this space? Honour that and let 'er rip." She always loves to let me cry because we know so much discovery is going to happen! It's exciting.
I apologize A LOT for crying, which in turn means I apologize a lot period. When I have some emotion (there's that damn word again) coming up and it moves my body to a "liquid release". I always say "sorry, I just need to cry." Although no one ever says "no!" reactions vary. I can see the discomfort on peoples faces, and I think that is a conditioned response. Also just as often people move to hug or comfort me (which is nice) but sometimes I just need to let something out. Sometimes I'm not even sad I'm just "in it", finding something out about myself and it's epic.
I once chatted with my coach about crying in front of our children. How we feel like we shouldn't do it - shouldn't burden them. Lilly caught me crying one day and I kinda just let it all unfold. I explained to her that I was sad. It dawned on me - how can I tell my children it's ok to cry, be angry, feel emotions etc if I never show them this is ok by doing it myself? Why do boys not think it's ok to cry, surely their mothers and fathers tell them it's ok...but do they ever see their fathers crying? The first time I saw Dear of Dad cry, I was scared. I thought the world was ending - that the zombie's were finally here....because he was so strong and never did it something must have been enormously a-rye.
Gill wrote about this here:
http://www.growcoaching.ca/blog/item/90-the-mile-high-club
Somewhere along the lines of history, crying became sort of a tabu thing. A sign of a highly emotional person. Which is for some reason not regarded as an asset, in my opinion. I have to state my disagreement with this silent social boundary because being driven by emotions is actually a beautiful thing.
We are so in our heads.
We have learned to shut our hearts off because it can hurt so badly to let them lead the way. Being vulnerable is one of life's hardest learning curves. But when we don't do this, what do we miss out on??
I am learning that this is not part of who I am, but that it just is WHO I AM and that I better embrace it. When I allow myself to really go there, and feel that emotion I can better navigate my way through what I need to do, or what I may be able to do for someone else.
It's called empathy.
Can you argue that nothing really feels better than a good cry?
Our bodies do amazing things based on how we are feeling. Blushing is one I have been thinking a lot about lately. It's it interesting that we can feel shy, embarrassed, ashamed (and many more I'm sure) and our faces display it by turning red? Our bodies cannot deceive, hide or lie for us - quite often they betray us when we try to hide our feelings. We sweat, we twitch, we look away.
So why is it that when we are sick we don't always take time to realize that we might be stressed, or angry or sad or hurt? Can we not create disease in our bodies because we have dis-ease in our hearts?
When we get stuck in our minds, we forget about what it is we really need and want, and the wants and needs of others. We can be convinced in our minds easily that something is right for us that truly isn't. Our minds are good at so many things (logic, math, problem solving etc). We forget to do that 'gut check', and see what our hearts (hearts live in our guts apparently) have to say about it? We have forgotten how to trust ourselves, our intuition and our instincts because we can't see them and because they don't always have a logical element to them? Well why? You can see tears, you can see illness, you can see a blushed face - it's REAL, emotion is real.
I can't even count the times that I have had a gut feeling, ignored it and thought to myself aftewards "I KNEW that was going to happen!". I thought I knew what I wanted, but really I didn't check with how I felt about what I wanted.
I think we need to honour that our bodies know best. They are the best indication of what is going on for us, and how we are affected by this whirlwind we call our lives.
Louise L. Hay has a great book about what your body is trying to tell you but here is a short version that I came up with:
- If we have bags under our eyes - we are tired, we need rest and healthy vibrant foods and vitamins - maybe even some sunlight! It's not a sign of ugliness or weakness...come on.
- If we are crying or on the verge of - maybe we need to just let that flow, honour that we have something that needs to come up/out/be release. Obviously we have been ignoring (not always intentionally) something going on inside. Then, we can better take a look at it once we let it rise up and out the surface.
- If we are gaining weight - maybe we need to figure out what we are looking to food for, are we using it to abuse ourselves (often disguised as reward) instead of give nutrients to our body. I for one eat my emotions. I am pretty sure I believe happiness is found at the bottom of a chip bag, a ketchup chip bag.
- If we are blushing - maybe we need to identify what caused some discomfort for us, maybe someone found out something we were trying to mask or hide? Do we need to feel shame about it? Probably not...
- If we are sick - maybe we are being forced by our bodies to take a time out, re-connect ourselves and get some much needed self TLC. Who better to take care of you than yourself, cause hey - our moms aren't always around :)
I have started letting my body do the talking. I am seeing so many messages I missed before. I am allowing it out to breath and do spazz-tic dance moves, because I know that my body is smart enough and resourceful enough to just get louder and more intense with the messages if I choose to ignore them.
"Listen to the whisper, so you don't have to hear the screams."
(One of my all time favourite quotes, can be applied to so many things!)
With love and gratitude always,
Grace E.
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