Skip to main content

"I'm gonna learn how to Fly High" - Fame



This is going to be off the beaten blog path. I have discovered so much about myself through this blog. About people. About our our thoughts, and feelings. How language affects our beliefs. Think a thought long enough and hard enough, and it becomes reality. I have heard this so many times but I am realizing how true it is. Even if the thought starts out as a joke. Your brain can't tell the difference between true and false, and neither can our hearts. If we tell ourselves something over and over again - because others find it funny and because it allows us to laugh at something we are scared of or insecure about, we believe it'll take the pain away. Aux contraire. It only makes that fear turn into reality.
I have had this belief that I'd "never be skinny". Whatever that means. Skinny comes in so many shapes and sizes. I took it so literally that even when I was "skinny" (for my body anyway) I still thought I wasn't. I was about to say "fat" but I don't think I thought I was fat, just not skinny. So, the more I thought this particular thought, the more it became true. At first I think I was fishing for validation, or even compliments. That I was in fact looking good...no, better, than I was before. "LOOK AT ME! I DID IT" But who was I proving it to? Everyone else? Or myself? Did anyone really care?
It's like this with so many things, and I hear everyone around me saying these types of negative things about themselves ALL THE TIME. It can be a joke or it can even be as simple as "I would never be able to do that" or even when you say "Wow I can't believe you did that! It must be so hard, I wouldn't be able to handle it." Yes you could. It's true what "they" say....you can do anything you set your mind to. But it's not quite that simple. "Setting your mind" takes unlearning so much of what we have been taught by all those around us who may have loved us but were scared themselves. I listen to myself now when someone tells me about a goal or a dream that seems so outlandish. You think you are being their friend, by telling them not to get their hopes up. "Oh, that's a really good idea BUT..." Lately I find myself not even telling anyone or saying out loud the things I want to do because I don't even want to hear all the things that might make it IMPOSSIBLE. You wouldn't believe how much we do it to each other. So I set out on a mission this week, to ask people what they really wanted - and when they told me, to look them straight in the eye and tell them they could have it, and that I would even help them - by helping them destroy every single thought-obstacle in the way. The biggest obstacle is the "belief" and from there the rest seems pretty dang easy. I can even catch myself now when an old thought pattern pops up - and I just say THANK YOU Old Thought, I don't need you I can let you go. They are pretty sneaky the old thought patterns, they show up in all kinds of wild rational disguises. They even try to get you to trust them this time, because they are right. I mean WHO have you seen do THAT? Pffft, it's a crazy idea, and no one (that I know anyway) has accomplished it, so why could I? I heard on a preview tonight for the movie "Fame" "if someone's going to make it out there why can't it be me?" and I thought - heck yes! It's GOING to be me.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How quick are you gonna get up?

So I'm running tonight - and it's going fairly well until I look down at my shadow and it resembles a bouncing cadillac with a biiiiiiiig trunk. Ba-ba-ba-boing goes my cadill-ass. At first I thought I was mistaken, that isn't my shadow...or at least it's exaggerating the gravity of the situation here. Basically, I had a decision to make, feel sorry for my big trunk or get motivated. Every time I wanted to stop and walk, I just checked in with my shadow and it was on like donkey kong (do people still say that?). Thank goodness I had my headphones on, because in between songs all I could hear was some awful panting that sounding like an animal being sacrificed. I pretended it wasn't me and kept rhythmically running to some old Mariah Carey songs. So, I realized thinking of all the things I am thankful for would help me keep my mind off of the large wall I was about to hit, metaphorically speaking. At first I was thankful for my feet, my shoes that are so comfy, runni...
8 comments
Read more

Forgive-mess...

This blog has brought up a lot of emotion for me and I had to take some time to work through it. During a very intense conversation with Danny, I came to realize that because I have always put other people first, I put myself last and I eat to recover. I eat because it is the only thing (I think) that I can control completely. By control I mean, whenever I want it, it's there. Whatever I want I can have. I can make bad decisions and beat myself up over it as much as I want. I have been abusing myself with food. This is a really hard realization to come to and once I realized it I almost went further into weight debt. I sunk a little deeper, just enough to scare myself. I saw some pictures of myself from a birthday party and didn't even recognize myself. I know that people say this all the time just before they start making change and I can see why now. I have been using it to be hurtful to myself. Mask what's really going on, and almost wear a disguise. Another way to look...
6 comments
Read more

The adventures of naked face Grace!!

I'm getting use to not wearing makeup on a day to day basis now but to go to a special event where I didn't know many people - of all women - was a total new leap outside my comfort zone. I was really nervous. To add insult to what I felt was injury, my armpits were sweating so much I'm pretty sure my shirt was soaked. I then had to realize that sweat is natural and normal and that this too was "no big deal". Wow did I feel naked, exposed and vulnerable. I had to dig sooooo deep for confidence. I was really surprised by my feelings of inferiority. No one was making me feel this way, no one was treating me like I was treating myself. I had built up these standards and it was time to tear them down. At first I wanted to tell people that I was not wearing makeup on purpose. In the very least I wanted to make up excuses for myself like "Gosh! I am just so tired!" But I wasn't tired at all so why would I tell a story that wasn't true? I pulled o...
4 comments
Read more