Day 16. Wednesday.
warning: Raw thoughts, some ranting and not much editing done, and some cursing to follow.
Ughhhh it's so dark and raining today! It looked like it was the middle of the night at 8:30am. Like what the actual fuck. How can we function with no sunlight I ask you?!
Today I am giving less shits. Mostly about the Christmas season and what I feel I am "supposed" to be doing. It started with questioning the season's eating regime of cookies/bailey & coffee/throw your health to the wind mentality. My depression is just too sensitive for that noise. The truth is I walk a fine line of "yes let's do this!" and "I don't want to live anymore". Sorry to drop that serious bomb on you here today, but screw it - I'm into being really honest these days.
I sat down to write a Christmas letter a week ago, trying to be real about this last year. There's just something off about Christmas letters than don't report all the "good news". The truth is, the past year has been a god damn whirlwind and I'm pretty ready to say goodbye to 2014 (as if the year changing really makes a difference to the loss I have experienced? Here's hoping).
Sometimes Christmas seems like this time of year when we are all supposed to forget our worries and pretend that those credit card bills aren't rolling in, (and the fact that our kids have had lice recurring for over a month now). The truth is this time of year comes with a lot of friggen pressure.
And for pete sake why the hell won't is stop raining?!? Come on Terrace, I expected more from you!
Oh...expectations, they'll getcha!
Lately I just feel like crying a lot but then I hear this voice "you can't just be crying all over the place, it's CHRISTMAS, you should be HAPPY!"....
When people say "happy holidays" I want to say..."yes happy holidays to you too, but if for some reason they aren't so happy, that's ok too! I wish you peace in your life, as you move through tough situations even during the holidays!" - but then that might prompt some strange looks.
Moving on.
I can't believe I'm about to say this, and believe you me...I have never wanted to utter these words -
I don't think I really want to eat meat anymore.
*gasp*
Well maybe some meat, here and there but only happy meat, naturally raised.
When I lived in Kelowna it was really easy to get organic meat, and at the time I was mostly concerned about all the hormones and anti-biotics. I find it wildly expensive here in Terrace, so I have strayed from my values on meat. Eating a lot of vegetables, in different delicious ways has made me realize that meat is not the treat I thought it was.
The other thing is that, perhaps because I have slowed down and am feeling more "connected" and "awake" I now feel much more concerned about how poorly treated these animals are - and yes I realize I am a little late to the party. I truly couldn't handle even thinking about it. It just seemed like "the way it was" to me. Beyond not wanting to ingest all the shit they pump into the animals through, I don't want the low vibration of such a low moral standard or code of ethics, and my dollar is my vote. If you think about living beings having a frequency and your cells vibrating at a frequency it gives new meaning to "we are what we eat" right? I mean, this isn't to judge anyone - hell, I eat meat from WHEREVER and haven't been putting much thought in to it. But one day an ad came on youtube of this guy smashing baby pigs into the ground in a slaughter house and I just haven't been able to shake it. Why do we value some animals and not others? And what in the hell makes us MOST important? We are the ones damaging the shit out of this beautiful place we call home. We are individually responsible for the shit-turn things have been taking. When are we starting that sustainable commune in the woods? No, seriously.
Anyway, I have found that meat just isn't giving me the comfort it once was. I just want to drive the point home that I loved meat and defended being a carnivore to the death. Now I'm just not so sure. I have doubts, many. I'm making any declarations here I'm just saying I am rethinking my feelings about meat.
This was a bit "ranty" today but hey, that's where I'm at.
Next up on my cleansing wish list - master cleanse!
Here's an article I read this morning
http://buynongmoseeds.com/you-have-about-30-pounds-of-poison-in-your-colon-here-is-your-solution/
Like always,
With love and gratitude.
G
warning: Raw thoughts, some ranting and not much editing done, and some cursing to follow.
Ughhhh it's so dark and raining today! It looked like it was the middle of the night at 8:30am. Like what the actual fuck. How can we function with no sunlight I ask you?!
Today I am giving less shits. Mostly about the Christmas season and what I feel I am "supposed" to be doing. It started with questioning the season's eating regime of cookies/bailey & coffee/throw your health to the wind mentality. My depression is just too sensitive for that noise. The truth is I walk a fine line of "yes let's do this!" and "I don't want to live anymore". Sorry to drop that serious bomb on you here today, but screw it - I'm into being really honest these days.
I sat down to write a Christmas letter a week ago, trying to be real about this last year. There's just something off about Christmas letters than don't report all the "good news". The truth is, the past year has been a god damn whirlwind and I'm pretty ready to say goodbye to 2014 (as if the year changing really makes a difference to the loss I have experienced? Here's hoping).
Sometimes Christmas seems like this time of year when we are all supposed to forget our worries and pretend that those credit card bills aren't rolling in, (and the fact that our kids have had lice recurring for over a month now). The truth is this time of year comes with a lot of friggen pressure.
And for pete sake why the hell won't is stop raining?!? Come on Terrace, I expected more from you!
Oh...expectations, they'll getcha!
Lately I just feel like crying a lot but then I hear this voice "you can't just be crying all over the place, it's CHRISTMAS, you should be HAPPY!"....
When people say "happy holidays" I want to say..."yes happy holidays to you too, but if for some reason they aren't so happy, that's ok too! I wish you peace in your life, as you move through tough situations even during the holidays!" - but then that might prompt some strange looks.
Moving on.
I can't believe I'm about to say this, and believe you me...I have never wanted to utter these words -
I don't think I really want to eat meat anymore.
*gasp*
Well maybe some meat, here and there but only happy meat, naturally raised.
When I lived in Kelowna it was really easy to get organic meat, and at the time I was mostly concerned about all the hormones and anti-biotics. I find it wildly expensive here in Terrace, so I have strayed from my values on meat. Eating a lot of vegetables, in different delicious ways has made me realize that meat is not the treat I thought it was.
The other thing is that, perhaps because I have slowed down and am feeling more "connected" and "awake" I now feel much more concerned about how poorly treated these animals are - and yes I realize I am a little late to the party. I truly couldn't handle even thinking about it. It just seemed like "the way it was" to me. Beyond not wanting to ingest all the shit they pump into the animals through, I don't want the low vibration of such a low moral standard or code of ethics, and my dollar is my vote. If you think about living beings having a frequency and your cells vibrating at a frequency it gives new meaning to "we are what we eat" right? I mean, this isn't to judge anyone - hell, I eat meat from WHEREVER and haven't been putting much thought in to it. But one day an ad came on youtube of this guy smashing baby pigs into the ground in a slaughter house and I just haven't been able to shake it. Why do we value some animals and not others? And what in the hell makes us MOST important? We are the ones damaging the shit out of this beautiful place we call home. We are individually responsible for the shit-turn things have been taking. When are we starting that sustainable commune in the woods? No, seriously.
Anyway, I have found that meat just isn't giving me the comfort it once was. I just want to drive the point home that I loved meat and defended being a carnivore to the death. Now I'm just not so sure. I have doubts, many. I'm making any declarations here I'm just saying I am rethinking my feelings about meat.
This was a bit "ranty" today but hey, that's where I'm at.
Next up on my cleansing wish list - master cleanse!
Here's an article I read this morning
http://buynongmoseeds.com/you-have-about-30-pounds-of-poison-in-your-colon-here-is-your-solution/
Like always,
With love and gratitude.
G
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