Journey to Mee-dom

Expectations - they are a son of a bitch, constantly getting us into trouble. This is where I am at with my journey to love my body (let's drop the wee-dom part). The expectations we put on ourselves, the ones we feel - either justifiably put there (by other people or media) and the ones misunderstood and taken personally. Well wait, is there really any expectations that can't be misunderstood? Are we even conscious enough to know when we have been hurt by expectations? When we make statements about ourselves either highly negative or highly positive other people immediately do a quick check-in and comparison. Expectations that we think are our own and individual, constantly lead to competition between the people we love and even he people we barely know. Is the intention negative? No I don't believe it is, I think we have been walking around in a fog doing what we have always done, but expecting what we have never received - true happiness, and one step further than conte...

So today is day 3. It was a tuffy. I was fine all day, even when Erin ate her yummy smelling food in our shared work space. I am not craving anything really and I am not feeling hungry. Goes to show that all the times I have thought about food in the last 3 days have been purely for emotional reasons. I know you are thinking "no, you thought about food because your body needs it!" But-ter I really don't feel that that is it. My brain is fully functioning, and I don't feel tired, I have very few minor pangs of hunger throughout the day - a brief few minutes in the morning before I get some juice into me. I was a little emotional saute´d tonight just because I couldn't sit at the table with the kids and Danny and savour some family time, oh and eat the realllllly good smelling food he made. It was, after all, my favourite chicken with green beans and potatoes. Yum. Dinner is a time when families get together at the end of a day of being apart. We rarely eat anyw...

Lemons seeds, I just hate those slippery little suckers. I can't get them out of my juice! So I just use my teeth to strain the juice through eliminating the potential for the seed to enter my mouth. I am doing well, better than I thought, I think? I made some juice today and it was much better, I think putting more lemon in makes it tastier. Organic lemons are yummier too. I think everyone at work thinks I'm nuts though, because I was making my juice in the work kitchen and explaining to people why I was putting maple syrup in my water bottle...? The response is weird because it's usually not really a response at all. I say "I'm doing the master cleanse" and they just look at me. My brain feels pretty good but my teeth feel fuzzy as hell! It's like there is a slime on them or something? I would rather have fuzzy teeth than a fuzzy head though. I moves my desk to another spot and all the moving of things causes me to feel a little dizzy. Going to keep the...

Day 1 of Master Cleanse. Side note: It's not really congruent with my journey to wee-dom and I want to change the name of this blog. More on that later (another day). Disclaimer: Most of this may or may not make any sense. Thank you for fumbling through it and don't let this taint your opinion of my other blogs, notes or any other written input. I love to write and I love to share so I hope this one doesn't change your enjoyment for the things I have written in the past. I know some of you are thinking "that's stupid" and that's ok. I need a break and here's why. The breakdown: The reason I say this is not congruent with my journey to wee-dom is that I'm not doing the cleanse for weight loss. My main reason is to gain perspective on food. I feel like I eat when I am anything . In other words - if I am sad, I am anxious, I am angry, board, mad, disappointed...happy etc. Today, I think I thought about food 10 different times before I started to becom...

I really have been wanting to blog lately but I have a bit of writer's block as they say. My blockage deteriorated tonight when I spoke to my trainer. I have been training with Kasie McCaw who is a world class trainer in my books. I couldn't have asked for a more perfect human being to slide into my fitness journey. Kasie is a wolf in foxy workout gear. That woman is stunning and hard as nails. Last week she called me to relay the bitter sweet news that she was leaving her business to pursue an offer she couldn't refuse with another gym. I have to admit that although as happy for her as any friend/client and fellow female warrior could be, I was devastated. I have become so reliant on Kasie to kick my ass. I loved her for it even on the days I wanted to cry she would see me struggling and tell me to get out of my head, stop talking negatively to myself and to recognize how amazing I was doing - her delivery never left me doubting that what she was saying was 100% genuine. S...

I want this post to reflect a part of my journey not the end, so please do not take it that way. It is however a huge milestone and I wanted to go ahead and document all the things I am feeling at this stage. Things I never dreamt would come from a journey to weight loss are becoming monumental changes in my life. The biggest and most life altering would be the consistency of my moods. Obviously I still have my dark moments, you know the ones you just aren't proud of. I am not ashamed by any means of the temper tantrums I throw or the large objects - they just aren't at people anymore. I watched myself as if having an out of body experience sometimes. This one evening, after arriving home from a stressful day and two kids screaming ridiculous demands at me, I took hold of the woman who normally gives in to "the epic meltdown", and guided her gently through step by step stimulus reduction. I turned off the tv, I shut off my phone, sat the kids down and calmly asked the...

I know, it's been a while. I wish I could be more consistent with my writing but it's kinda just when the moment strikes me. I could write 30 blog entries one day, and then none for three months. First things first, I have lost 20 lbs! Yay exciting right? You'd think so, except I am totally terrified and notice the self-sabotaging crawling up my leg like a boa constrictor. Why is it that I can work so hard at something and then think to myself "this is too good to be true, you can't keep it up" so then I start working my old habits back in until I have hung myself up on a hook by my own underwear again?! It's really getting old and starting to chafe... I feel so good but of course there are still these set back that occur. Let me be totally honest - I REALLY don't want to argue with bags of chips anymore. Why can't I just have a handful? Why does it have to be this weird sneak back a thousand times until I am mad at myself game? The first week of m...