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Cheek Chewers Anonymous

Hi my name is Grace, and I chew my cheeks.
Actually, I chew my cheeks, my lips and the sides of my tongue.
You may be and most likely are, grossed out by this. That's fine I'm ok with it. There are two kinds of people in the world - the ones who chew and the ones who are totally disgusted by the chewers. I was asking a friend of mine about it yesterday and she totally knew what I was talking about. As we got sharing she said "This sounds like a cheek chewers anonymous meeting'".
And so I find myself writing this post.

I have been asking around and as it turns out, I am not as alone as I once thought. Honestly, I have been pretty ashamed of this disgusting habit and Danny's suggested mantra "My mouth is not a snack. I chew food with my mouth but I don't chew my mouth." has not proven to be helpful. Sure we laugh and I roll my eyes, and we're all like "ewww gross" but inside I cringe and cry a little.
Adding humour to things kind of normalizes it and although this  may be "common" it's definitely not a healthy sign of inner contentment.  Danny hates it when I do it and from the forums I went and read today - most people's partners do. He nudges me, or grabs my face in efforts to help me to stop but it just temporarily disrupts the chewing trance I am in and angers me.
It's awful and yet I can't stop. I feel helpless. I feel like a self made prisoner. Like an elephant who has had a chain around it's ankle as a baby and doesn't realize that it's no longer attached - but doesn't ever try to break free.

I want to feel the smoothness of my cheeks again. But let's face it, I can't magically go back in time. I can't snap my fingers and make this stupid nervous idiotic habit go away.
It's this vicious cycle - I bite my cheeks to try and take off all the uneven parts - that are there because I bit them in the first place. It's like someone biting their nails, or picking/popping skin blemishes. I used to be disgusted by serious nail biters - until I realized it's really no different and that my cheeks look just as bad only people can't see them unless I pull my mouth wide open to reveal the horrendous mess that lies within. These nasty habits may have to do with a need for control - taking matters into our own hands and not trusting that our bodies will work through it, and heal on their own. I MUST GET RID OF _________ faster and more efficiently than my body naturally will! Don't we do this with most things though, unnecessarily speed up the process because we can't wait? Usually we fuck things up in a bad way when we do this, but yet we press on and never learn from our previous attempts to make things happen faster.
For me, I think it has to do with a desire to make things uniform and smooth. When I wake up in the morning if there is a ridge on my cheek from where my teeth were touching it, I want it to be smooth and gone. So therein lies the chronic-ness of the matter - biting begets biting.

I can actually remember when it first started. It was kind of an on again off again thing but I have reason to believe that as things got stressful beyond my control at home and with my parents - I started an anxious habit of biting the inside of my mouth. I typically do it when I'm in deep thought, which is about 85% of the day I would say. I also realized today that I don't really know what to do with my jaw when I'm not talking (which I am usually doing). My jaw doesn't really want to be clench together but it also doesn't know how to just chill out and hang there.
So I bite. Gnaw. Chew. Ew. Sigh.
Regardless, I don't think I need to spend time trying to figure out why I do or why I am not able to stop but would like to find some helpful insight into how I can stop. By the same token I don't think I need to beat myself up over and say I'm disgusting. I am just a person with a weird habit, there's no need for a club because there already is one it's called "being Human".

The other night we had about an hour and a half ride home from visiting Danny's grandmother and I wanted to make a conscious effort to not chew. It started out pretty well and then 30 seconds went by and I found myself mentally trying to intervene in a wrestling match between my need to bite and my desire to stop. It was like pulling two huge dudes off each other at a bar. I knew I needed more than just restraint or good ol' will power. (P.S. Eff you will power - you always let me down.)

I am sure there are many health reasons that I should stop. I'm into 'healthy stuff' but right now the scary facts aren't scaring me enough to make me stop and really are they ever enough? If that was the case no one would smoke, drink or eat garbage food. I have heard rumours about cheek chewing increasing the chances of oral cancer. Some sites say there is little evidence of this but still why would I do something that I know has the potential to hurt me?

To get right down to it, I just want to stop because I know that I can take control of a habit - even if it's been over 20 years.

So I am happy to say that after some searching and a great deal of coming up short, I found a site with a style that totally tickles my fancy. That sounds so pervy.
http://www.innerhealthstudio.com/biting-the-inside-of-the-mouth.html

This post takes you through a relaxation practice like meditation. I read through it and I felt something in my gut loosen up a bit and shift towards hope. I felt a lump rise in my throat because I have come to realize that I hold a lot of tension in my body. I have been working on this in many ways, slowly trying to release my grip on life in general. I didn't know that my body could talk to me so loudly.

I release the need to bite my cheeks. It does not serve me and I am ready to let it go. I do not foster space for tension in my body and I am relaxed.

If you see me doing this...

...I'm doing more than just pondering life. Perhaps instead of pointing out what I am doing - just take a deep breath in and out loud enough for me to hear. I think deep breaths are contagious like yawns and hopefully I will do the same.
Here's to releasing the need for old habits!
Stay tuned!
With love and gratitude,
Grace E.



Comments

  1. I completely just started a blog tonight as I feel at my wits end with the same problem. My mom does it, my sister and I, but I do it almost 24/7 and it aggrivates my boyfriend. Check out randomlyyourskw.blogspot.com and youll see my similar vent. Maybe as sisters in arms we can try to motivate one another to find a solution!!

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