Journey to Mee-dom

It was happening. My most dreaded fear realized and it...was...horrifying. Even as I type this I can feel the discomfort in my throat like a large pill that has shifted sideways on the way down. My shirt came up at yoga and everyone could see my stomach. Shit shit shit shit shit. Gah it hurts to even talk about it. I thought writing this was going to be easy but it's proven to be extremely difficult. I fidget a lot with my clothes. Pulling at my shirts - down, out side to side to fluff and fan so that they don't hug my belly in just the wrong way. I also pull my pants up to tuck in my "twin skin". I have been totally conscious and aware of this and I have been making an effort to stop doing it, especially at yoga because it's disruptive and interruptive to the focus of my practice. It's completely unnecessary and it's damaging to my efforts of trying to accept myself the way I am. I mean really, when it comes right down to it, everyone can see th...

This post is specifically to sum up all the reasons why I started this "Naked Face for Grace" project. Please share, this post or any part of it - not for me, but for all the women in the whole wide world. It's been almost two months since I stopped wearing makeup and I have to say a few things that I have noticed personally. I have never felt more beautiful. I have never felt more confident. I have never ever ever felt more happiness - true inner happiness. There are many reasons for my state of happiness - but the removal of my external mask has really tipped it over the edge for me. When I went in there and did some deep digging, I found that through all my mean nasty comments/thoughts to myself in the mirror, I was breaking myself down little bit by little significant bit. Every single day, however many times a day that I looked in the mirror - they all added up to an overall feeling of worthlessness. I was looking at myself not into myself and even though it ...

Today I decided to take the attitude of "Congratulations". Towards myself, to things happening around me, just basically an all around preempted celebration. This means that for things that had not happened yet, and even small things that usually I wouldn't even notice. For example, on the hour drive home on a highway that I have a lead foot on, passing two cops and not getting a ticket - congratulations! I decided to just keep a consistent feeling of "congratu" (I just made that word up). My intention at yoga was again, "Congratulations!".  In my head it was said in a pretty exuberant tone of voice - I'm pretty sure when I said the word mentally, my eyebrows raised simultaneously. Class was going fairly normally, hard and sweaty and twisty and bendy. Then Laura said "we are going on a field trip!" So we took our mats to the wall to work on headstand. I have been working on headstand for less than two months but I want to get into i...

This week has been an intense array of emotions for me. I have described this experience as shattering , earth quaking , ground moving and essentially breaking me open. My heart sings to a higher octave now. All of these pictures and stories have profoundly shifted me to a higher vibration and a whole lot closer to my authentic loving self. Each and every photo has meant something different to me. I would like to be able to feature every face sent to me in my blog - there is more to come but I would like to start there. I would like to show you now a little sample of what I want to do with these pictures, with your permission of course. This will take patience as sorting and keeping track has proven harder than I thought. I also want this to keep the theme of real and honest. Please feel free to send me messages about what this has shifted for you. I want to hear from you! There are so many purposes for this naked-face project but first is that I want to take the time to thank y...

I promised myself I would not blog tonight...because I need to go to bed early. Well screw it. I am sitting here in a mess of tears because I am absolutely beyond moved by all of your courageousness! Wow wow wow wow WOW. I have to admit that I am awe-struck on so many levels. Some people whom I haven't heard from in years have written and sent pictures, even people that I don't even know! It lifts me up to see your faces - sent to me personally! I was also affected deeply at how beautiful every single picture was - and to be honest I didn't expect my reaction to be so profound. I was shattered to pieces 76 times over and over again throughout the past couple of days and I cannot even begin to express my gratitude for the affect you have all had on me and surely so many others. I broke into tears with every new photo I got - even when I thought I was good to go - I would look into your eyes and I could see your big beautiful hearts blasting through the screen. I was al...

Oh my gosh I should really be sleeping. It's 11:48pm. I just decided to take a quick peek at a documentary that a dear friend recommended I watch when I was telling her about my "naked face" project. So I found it on vimeo and before I was 10 minutes in I was sobbing. This video struck a huge cord for me on so many levels. "The Perfect Vagina" is about women not liking their vaginas and going to extreme measures to change that. It's beautifully done and I have to strongly urge that you watch it - especially if you have daughters. It really is worse than I thought. Women hate themselves from head to toe. They think that it's their own individual independent idea to; cover this, paint that, cut this, snip that....the list goes on. We are misinformed by and large about the real truths. We are marketed to constantly to not like whatever it is that we have - and we believe it. We outright believe it! It becomes so internalized that we believe we aren...

Today I was in a really foul mood. It snuck up on me out of no where and spread like wild fire in dry bush. I could feel it growing totally out of control. My sister and I were doing some running around and we had the kids. First of all let me just say that Fabricland looks like an amusement park to children under 5. I felt better once I noticed a sign out front politely asking people to hold on to their friggen kids or else. Ok it didn't say that but it may as well have - but obviously all parents have the same issue when they go in there because it beckons to kids like the little old witch who eats children in a house made out of candy. At first, when my mood started to take a nose dive into an empty pool, I just thought I was tired but when I realized wasn't in fact tired and that it was just a *dun dun dun... bad mood (gasp). On my way home my stinky mood seemed to have evolved. The transition was so obvious that it reminded me of those seemingly harmless weird neon pil...